The Adventures of Troll Xun!
by ArtisticIce
Summary: Come on, let's face it. Lu Xun is a huge troll. He keeps on trolling. May it even be the internet, or maybe even real life. Along with his friends, he's making the school year special, definitely. Just make sure that he won't troll...YOU. (Wonderful cover made by me, shockingly,) Rated T for perverted people. (Not Lu Xun.)
1. Ditching a party member! Likeaboss

_A/N: First fanfiction? Nope. First DW fanfiction? Hell yeah. Besides my crossover thingy, this is my first DW fanfiction._

_Yes, he takes his 7 appearance/outfit. Although, I may consider using his 8 outfit that I found on tumblr. :D All of them take their __**7**__ outfit….yeah.(Actually, just the hair. HAHA.)_

_And yes, this is going to be modern time. Troll 17 year old Xun for the win!_

_And yeah, I'm pretty much putting some of my Hetalia crap on hiatus. Like, most of it._

_Jeez, someone needs to stop me from making too much stories. _

_Oh, and btw Sun Shang Xiang isn't going to be a little girly bitch like she was portrayed as in the latest games._

_Oh, and even more Xun is the Apprentice's Fire, and Rebellious Princess is SSX, if you can't tell. _

_**Warnings: **__Cussing, and Lu Xun's evil troll intent. _

_**Disclaimer: **__Although I may be Chinese, I'm not Japanese. (Who made the game.) And, I do not work for Koei. (far too young, yo.) _

* * *

**The Apprentice's Fire had joined your team.**

Xun laughed to himself silently. Aha, looks like the next victim was set. He typed briskly against the keyboard, ready to troll the player's account. He had taken such pleasure in this.

He stared intently at the computer screen. He clasped his hand over the mouse. He bit his lip nervously.

He didn't even know what he was going to do.

"Ah, I got it!" He exclaimed to himself, his face immediately brightening up. He smirked and started tapping away on his keyboard.

* * *

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Hello, milady, I suppose you are doing fine?

**Rebellious Princess: **Hmph. I was perfectly fine without you.

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Ah, well I would like for us to do something.

**Rebellious Princess: **Do what, you bastard?

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Party Quest!~

**Rebellious Princess: **….P-Party Quest?

**The Apprentice's Fire: ** You haven't done one, before?

**Rebellious Princess: **SO WHAT IF I HADN'T!?

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Milady, it isn't any trouble.

**Rebellious Princess: **Hmph. Whatever. Show me what a party quest is.

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Okay, I promise you that you will have fun with this, milady.~

**Rebellious Princess: **Whatever. Just stop talking and walk.

* * *

Xun sadistically smiled to himself. He had already envisioned the plan in his mind. Hopefully, this player wasn't anyone he knew in real life. I mean, seriously, he would probably die if the girl on here was Shang Xiang. That probably would've killed him.

Because, even for the master troll, she is super scary.

So scary, Xun just shook nervously in his seat just thinking about it. He clicked on the icon, and started to start a party quest.

He opened up his chat with the "Rebellious Princess" and typed a reply.

* * *

**The Apprentice's Fire: **I got the party quest! We basically have to beat up some hoes.

**Rebellious Princess: **Wow. Nice way of saying it. You could've said that we had to defeat the boss that's a whore.

**The Apprentice's Fire: **I didn't feel like it.

**Rebellious Princess: **Weirdo. But…..you seem familiar!

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Is….that….so….?

**Rebellious Princess: **Like some stupid shota I know at school.

Xun facepalmed at this. A…shota…? Well, that's a nice way to describe him. His suspicions were raised higher. Oh great, this better not be her.

**The Apprentice's Fire: **It isn't that nice to call someone a shota…..

**Rebellious Princess: **So what?

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Whatever, let's just get crackin'.

**Rebellious Princess: **…..What's with the fire…?

**The Apprentice's Fire: **I'm going to burn something, obviously! :D

**Rebellious Princess: **OHGODNO.

**The Apprentice's Fire:** OH YESSSSSS.

* * *

Xun snickered quietly to himself. Well, it didn't look like she would be the one expecting him to use fire, anyways. I mean, didn't she look at his outfit on the game? It seemed pretty obvious that he was going to be setting dem crap on fire.

He moved his character on the screen, and his party member followed. The two virtual pixels reached their destination. He eyed the ugly whore-like creature on the map.

He started barricading the monster with random magic attacks. He licked his lips hastily, unconsciously. His eyes were burning on the computer screen, and his hand fastened onto the mouse.

* * *

_The Apprentice's Fire used firework explosion!_

_It was super effective!_

_Rebellious Princess used mystic arrow!_

_Enemy is now burned!_

* * *

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Hey! I was going to burn the little fucker!

**Rebellious Princess: **Whoa. You cuss.

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Doesn't everyone these days?

* * *

Xun sighed. He had to admit, he doesn't usually cuss in real life. But on the internet, he cusses like a mofo. He blinked twice. Well, he was certainly different in the two worlds. Maybe he should be nicer online, or just show more of his real personality in the real world?

_Nah, I won't do either, _He thought to himself. His fingers continued to clack against the keyboard, the steady pace of his typing and furious pattering about commands.

* * *

**Rebellious Princess: **Well, you just don't seem the type to do so….

**The Apprentice's Fire: **Aww, you're flattering me.

**Rebellious Princess: **Alright, I don't see what you are hinting out, but I take whatever I said back.

**The Apprentice's Fire: **…..D:

**Rebellious Princess: **Whatever, let's just fight.

* * *

Xun smiled to himself. _Okay, the boss is about to release her whore-ish powers that are like, over 9,000. Okay, that was an old one. Anyways, my game plan is that whenever the boss hits me, I log out immediately. And she gets stuck with fighting the boss, _Xun thought to himself. He had to admit that his thought process was really, really weird and bizarre.

* * *

_Enemy uses deadly kiss on The Apprentice's Fire!_

_The Apprentice's Fire has logged out. Add as friend?_

* * *

Xun's regular, usually content face has turned into a brief smirk. One would not usually see it, in the real world.

He had ex-ed out the window he was playing the game in, and had presumed back to his regular internet browsing.

Obviously, the first thing he went on was youtube. He clicked on a video that he had mild interest on it. He started chuckling and rapidly started to type a comment.

He actually had two accounts, and luckily, he was still on the one that isn't for troll purposes.

Hmm…? Troll purposes, you ask? Well, I think we'll see things about that the next day.

Xun leaned back in his comfy office chair, and yawned softly. It was soft, and fragile, but where it was coming from was as deadly as the tight tip of the blade.

He ruffled his fingers through his chocolate brown hair, himself slightly caressing it. As you may know, he was very satisfied, and had a satisfied smirk on his face. This is the life, oh yeahhhhhh.

Seriously.

This is what he does in his free time. A bit sad, may you think?

Nah, he's just a kid with nothing to do. He's bored, okay.

He shrugged off whatever was on his mind, and finally realized something. _My…homework…., _He was anxiously twiddling his fingers, _this is the first time I didn't do homework when I first came home from school._

"MOMMMMMMM!" He yelled, his voice as whiny as a child's, yet….somewhat full of pain? Well, it's Xun, he is dramatic sometimes.

"….What..?" A voice that seems to be his mom hollered from downstairs. He perked up, fully aware that she would answer him. It was bound to happen, anyways.

"Can you pass me my schoolbag?"

"….."

"WHAT?"

"…nothing.."

"Sorry, I'm lazy like that." Xun replied, hoping that she wouldn't get mad at him for his somewhat supposedly "out-of-character" statement. He nervously chuckled, scratching his head in a somewhat fidgety way.

"Lu Xun…." She started in a somewhat disappointed voice, but yet sounded like she was used to it, "don't start being influenced by Americans…."

"Yeah, Yeah, I won't." He waved her off, being surprisingly rude. _I feel bad, but I already did….I guess I should stop being a jerk, huh._

"You sure…?" She questioned him. He smiled at her, hoping to assure her.

"Of course, mom," he apologized for his rude actions, "sorry, I was a bit angry at something."

"_More like angry at myself…_" Xun muttered to himself after he had apologized to his mother.

"It's fine, Xunnie, everyone has their off days." She smiled a happy smiled, knowing fully well that she is using his dreaded nickname.

"…..don't call me Xunnie."

* * *

_A/N: Ah, how does this look? I apologize if I got our dear XUNNIE out of character._

_I most likely had._

_He's a freaking troll._

_At least, the American version makes him seem so._

_Oh, I guess he's not much of a one. But it would be awesome if he was. He probably is, though._

_Merry Christmas, by the way~!_

_And yeah, random Mom Lu and Lu Xun scene. (Doesn't know anything about his mom…)_

_I think that ending was reallllyyyy bad._

_I hope you welcome me to the DW fandom (which I have been lurking around since like, forever….) with open arms! :D_

_By the way, SSX DID accept him as a friend. And no pairings. Please. _


	2. Jiang Wei's Birthday!

_A/N: You see, this is actually a huge story. Yes, it has a plot. It's not a one-shot collection at all. It's a whole story, with each event falling in place for Lu Xun's highschool life._

_WHATTTT? This means this is a High School fic? Unfortunately, yes._

_So yeah, a lot of humor. And you may see pairings. You know, the historical ones._

_And yep, I'm switching to first person. I need to practice writing in that perspective. Not much will change, don't worry. Don't mind about my fourth wall breaking.~_

_And changing the rating to T. Ugh, I misrate things a whole lot._

* * *

_**Review Replies**_

_**Guest-**__Thank you so much! I'm glad you like the story. And yep, there is more to it.~ For the fanbase, I guess I'll just throw in some teasers. There may be some non-canon pairings, but it would remain one-sided. *Cough* Gou Jia x Wang Yi *Cough.* (I love that pairing, even though no one else likes it….~)_

* * *

**The Adventures of Troll Xun**

**-"Jiang Wei's birthday…?"-**

The distinct beeping was voiced through the clock. I gave a quick sigh, and rolled over on my bed to reach it. I lazily slapped my hand onto the base of my digital clock. It should feel lucky that I didn't burn it yet.

Because I was really tempted.

But unfortunately, my mom just HAD to take away my matches and lighter. She suspected me of smoking….I'm not sure why in the world she would think that, though. She really did interrogate me that night.

I was very tired, so I was too lazy to even get up.

My body was stiff and wouldn't move an inch. I shuffled my feet, and groaned obnoxiously. I swear, I will really table flip on someone. Preferably Jiang Wei…. But uh, he didn't need to hear that.

I lumbered toward the door, being a stiff stick. I opened the door like the stupid brainless zombie I was and groggily started to get ready for school.

Yep, primping.~ I brushed my totally fluffy brown hair, and made side braids on both sides of my head. Yes, I really need to chop off these braids…My hair is way too long. Maybe I should get a trim. Later.

I picked up my toothbrush, and squirted toothpaste on it.

Yep. The morning routine, and yes, I will not tell you anymore of my morning ritual, because I'm pretty afraid of you, milady/my good sir, being bored as hell.

Since I'm the best and most BENEVOLENT guy ever, I'm going to save you the trouble of reading such more trivial matters.

* * *

**TIME SKIP AWAY, MY GOOD AUTHOR.**

_**Timeskip to first period gym.**_

I, in complete triumph walked into my first class, gym. As much as I hated it, I will do the best I can, even if I am not physically athletic in any way. You can say mentally, but not physically. I sighed, and brushed my bangs to the side.

I saw a boy with caramel brown hair gathered into a pony tail in the back. I swear, what's with people and long hair? He walked up to me in his dark green uniform, his brown eyes gleaming. I blinked slightly, worried about what was he going to start talking about.

"Xun!" He exclaimed, his sparkling brown eyes filled with excitement, "can I ask you somethingggg?"

And this, is my friend Jiang Wei. That's his full name, by the way. Most people call him by his full name or last name. No one calls him Wei, because it's really weird knowing that a group of the popular kids were called that. He used to be part of it. But, since he's a complete lame dude, he "defected" to Shu.

Like seriously. He should've picked my lunch table. I mean, we are awesome!

He just doesn't see it.

Hmmph.

"Yeah, you can." I replied to his question. He smiled softly.

"Okay, so my birthday is this Saturday, and I'm going to invite you to hang out with me." He explained, his arms opened wide.

"Like what, a party?" I scoffed. He pouted.

"Now there, Xunnie, don't be a jackass."

"Whatever." I answered his insult/joke, "who's going to be there, anyways?"  
"Oh, that's easy! Our regular gym group!"  
"Meaning Shang Xiang, Tong, Jia, Hui, and me."

"Exactly."

"When I think of it, why the hell does Shang Xiang hang out with us anyways?" Jiang asked, rolling his eyes, "we seriously need more girls or something."

"Eh, she's just one of the guys, I guess." A new voice appeared in our conversation magically. Both Jiang and I turned to the new arrival. The owner of the voice was Ling Tong, of course.

Whoa. Sudden realization. Every guy I know except Jia has long hair.

SO LAMEEE….

That's right, Jia is the only awesome one, even though he's a huge douchebag and a total pimp. Ah, I totally don't mean to offend him, but it's the cold hard truth.

No wonder he keeps getting rejected by Wang Yi.

Poor him. He'll get her one day. Hopefully. I'll keep on rooting for him, even though most of us highly doubt it.

"Xun." Tong's voice was ringing in my ear. I snapped back into reality, I have to get out of my wonderous thinking.

"Hn..?" I replied, a bit curious why he suddenly called me out.

"Coach told us to gtfo of here for no apparent reason." Tong whispered in my ear. I nodded in response curious into why exactly. I started to march out of this stupid gym and hid my happiness for the sake of those who are actually athletic. I seriously hate this class with all of me and my freaking urhgjhgksjhksjhgksg…

"Tong, don't use random text talk all of the sudden." I said unanimously while walking out. He gave a small shrug, and we both continued to walk.

"XUN!" I heard Shang Xiang's voice call to me. I gulped. Crap, I sincerely hope that it wasn't her I trolled yesterday.

But, as fate has to be an EVEN BETTER troll than I AMMMMM…..she was.

"ARE YOU THE APPRENTICE'S FIRE ON THAT GAME?" She yelled, her face red with pure anger. I bit my lip, and decided to weave up a small lie.

Before I could even attempt or even think of running away (I just thought so now…), she instantly grasped onto my shoulder. Lying has to do, for now.

"What game?" I asked innocently, hoping to steer her away from the small matter. (Okay, maybe it's not small…)

"Um, a game like, I think it's called **Mass Path.**" She replied, rolling her eyes, She continued to grumble to herself about being trolled and The Apprentice's Fire.

"….yes?" I quickly answered to that, because I'm a nice person and I don't lie even though I want to so much, "I would like to play it with you, so uh…tell me your username?"  
"It's Rebellious Princess."

I froze. Oh crap. Yep, that girl definitely did remind me of her. And it just had to be her. Hmm, seems like it is a small world after all. I'm scared to say that I am the Apprentice's Fire.

"I'mverysorryfortrollingyou!" I exclaimed all in one breath, panting. She glared at me. I shook under her hard death stare. I couldn't move, I was too nervous too. I honestly can't believe that I am this weak… I can't move though, as much as a I try.

It's really hard. I felt the small beads of sweat flowing down around my body. Okay, that sounded weird, didn't it?

She bit her lip, irritated, yet, holding herself back as much as possible.

"….." She remained silent.

We both paused for a moment.

It was a very much awkward silence, as you can tell.

Very, very awkward.

So awkward you don't even know.

Okay, I'm very sorry for troubling you with the prospect of the insane amount of awkwardness just in the atmosphere between my friend, the devil, Shang Xiang and I.

SO AWKWARD.

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD, DON'T DO THAT!" She cried, shaking me continuously. My eyes were dazed, and my vision was blurred. She kept shaking me back and force. I sighed, and flicked her slightly on the forehead. Then, I was let go, and luckily, I landed on my feet.

Yay, she didn't drop me to the ground and bleed to death. At least I'm still alive.

"…sorry, Shang Xiang." I apologized quietly, not meaning at all for her to hear that. She winced, and was rubbing the spot where I had flicked her. She had flinched back and is now squirming on the ground like a lost caterpillar. How sad.

Seriously, it hurt that bad?

"Whatever you bastard, I'll get over it," She protested before I could comfort her one bit, "don't go all ojou-sama on me, okay?"

"Okay." I smiled at her, even she didn't want it, I stuck out a hand to her.

"HEY! I SAID NOT TO HELP ME!" She yelled, irritated at me. I chuckled out loud to her a bit-slightly, and shrugged it off.

~:~:~:~:~

**At some restaurant, Jiang Wei's Birthday, this Saturday at 12:00.**

I was really bored. I was just stuck between playing around on my almost dead iPod Touch and flicking water into everyone's faces.

They never suspected me. Ahahaha. Victory for me, I suppose.

"Hey," Jiang Wei started, his whisper full of rasp, "whatever you do, don't tell anyone that it's my birthday."

I cheekily smiled at Hui and Jia. "Okay."

"So, like yeah, I hate doctors because they always sexually harass people, and want to look into my stuff…" Tong complained, ranting about his hatred of therapists and doctors. "AND UGH THERAPISTS. I mean, it's THE RAPIST."

"Shut up, Tong, you don't have any stuff!" Shang Xiang yelled at him, throwing a fork at him. He rolled his eyes.

"How do you even know that he has the stuff or not, eh, Shang Xiang…?~" I made the comment out of the blur. The two of them stared at me with red faces.

"OH GOD, XUN!" The two of them yelled at me. I felt impact at the back of my….back…

"Good job, Xunnie.~" Jia sang, smiling at me.

~:~:~:~:~:~

**After Eating….**

We all called out to the waiter.

"HEY WAITER!" We yelled impolitely. We should have addressed him in a more polite approach, shouldn't we?

"It's our friend's birthday." Hui sneered, pointing to Jiang Wei. Jiang Wei was talking to Tong and Shang Xiang; he didn't even notice what the three of us were doing.

"Ah, so is it!" The waiter exclaimed, and called over some other employees.

"BIRTHDAY BOY!" They exclaimed, talking to Jiang Wei. Jiang Wei's gaze flickered and turned brith red. He glared at Hui, Jia, and me. We all just smiled at him evilly.

"Happy Happy Birthday! May your dreams come true! Since it's your birthday, you may as well have some cake too! HEY!" They chorused, throwing some cake at him. Jiang Wei glared, and gritted his teeth.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?" He yelled at us, throwing the cake on his face at us. We laughed and snickered. We adeptly ignored him, as he continued to missile random pieces of miscellaneous food at us three.

"Happy Birthday, Weiiii.~" We all sang hoping to cover over his over meandering amount of anger directed toward us. He gritted his teeth, but gave up and smiled a real small smile.

"Thank you, I suppose."

I laughed to myself.

2nd Troll Attempt succeeded.

With no trouble at all, either.

* * *

_A/N: Have you seen my totes beautiful color. Yeah, I spent an hour yesterday drawing that piece of shit._

_So yelp. I'm proud of the coloring._

_Anyways, I really recommend you people to make some fanfictions yourself. WRITE WRITE WRITE! GANBATTE! YOU CAN DO IT! While I'll be playing DW 6 Empires because that's the only good Empires game…for now._

_So, what is your favorite weapon to use in DW 7? I like the flying swords the best. Mhmm…~_

_Oh, and the situation with Jiang Wei's birthday at the restaurant happened to my sister's friend. xD Not the RAPIST thing, though. That's just some random thing I thought up._

_Who do you want Xunnie to troll next? :3_


	3. Matchmaker Xun?

_A/N: Sorry for not updating? You know, school and all. And usually I'm really lazy and tend not to update at all. Sorry if I worried you….D:_

_AND LIKE PLAYING, DW 7 EMPIRES. SO ADDICTING, YOU KNOWWWW? _

_Haha, so I guess Da Qiao is next. :3_

_Idk how Xunnie's going to troll, but whatever bro. He just does it to his mother-in-law. (Shhhh, remember that Lady Sun, Sun Ce's daughter, is his real wife.)_

_So thank you all for reviewing.~ I appreciate it so much!_

_And yes, this chapter is made of Sun Ce x Da Qiao. (Which is way better than one-sided! Xiao Qiao x Zhou Yu.)_

_YOU KNOW WHAT, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE ZHOU YU ACTUALLY CRUSHING ON HER RATHER THAN HER BEING ALL ONE-SIDED AND SOB SOB. _

_Maybei'llmakeastorysuchasthat?_

_GANBATTE XUNNIE THE MATCHMAKER! :D_

_So the story begins._

_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own Dynasty Warriors. It belongs to Koei. And I'm going to quit doing disclaimers. They are boringgggg…_

* * *

**T****he Adventures of Troll Xun!**

**-Matchmaker Xun.-**

I slid into my seat, full of confidence, right next to this girl in my class. She is very quiet, and usually doesn't talk to anyone during class. I guess I'm on some terms with her, it may not be friendly, but at least it is a tolerable relationship.

She nodded to me, "Good morning, Lu Xun."

I twitched a little on the inside before nodding back to her as a reply. I'm not even sure if I should be grateful for her to be so polite to also say my last name.

To be honest, I felt it was a bit weird for me.

Don't ask why, it just was.

This shy girl sitting next to me is who, you ask? Well, as you can tell, it's CLEARLY **not** Shang Xiang. She's way too loud for me, so don't think of me ever dating her.

Yeah.

I have no interest in love whatsoever anyways, and I'm not gay-I'm just an independent Asian guy, I don't need any men or women. Totally. Mhmmm. (Although I secretly wish for a harem, but that's just between me, myself, and I.)

"Xun, do you have something to share?" I heard Mr. Zhuge asked calmly, smiling an ever bit-least slightly, "you seem happy dozing off back there…"

I grinded my teeth. Oh, so this was why Zhou Yu hated this guy a bit too much. As much as I usually admired Mr. Zhuge Liang, he….gets onto me a bit-no, a whole lot. But never less, I will still worship his infinite knowledge. Because dude, he's the ultimate troll….I must learn more from sensei!

"I was thinking about what a great teacher you were!" I shouted, covering up the situation rather nicely. YES! It should work, right?  
"Haha, Xun, don't be silly, I know you weren't thinking that."

Well, that ruined my plain. I felt that arrows were being shot in me….

Ugh….right in the heart. Or something.

"A-Ah, Master Zhuge Liang, just don't fret I will pay attention from now on," I quickly made up some save, because usually I would pay attention, but some odd reason I'm stuck staring at the girl next to me…her name was Da or something, "please forgive me."

She's the older sister of the two Qiaos, who are very famous around the school. They are called the two beauties and stuff. I think they are very beautiful, and I somewhat admire them? Whenever I try to stare at least one of them, Shang Xiang punches me. That, or Yu and Ce does.

Stupid Sun family.

They don't want me to get laid.

Okay, that was rather vulgar. But whatever.

Anyways, the Qiao's didn't disclose their real first names because since they are so rich and stuff and private and proper. Because they just can't. I will never know why, as I'm not allowed to question authority. So we just address them by Da and Xiao. The elder one is Da, while the younger one is Xiao. Da means big in Chinese, so don't forget that. And Xiao means the opposite, small.

Yeah.

Makes much more sense, right?

Okay, all of you people should've already known that before I had told you.

As in, what Da and Xiao means.

Yeah.

I don't mean to be…mean…

"Xun, it seems like you are staring at Ms. Qiao over there, aren't you?" Mr. Zhuge calmly smiled, hiding a knowing look.

I raised my eyebrows, and immediately shook my head in protest.

"Of course not, she likes someone else, of course." I pushed out of my brain. I had to say what was on her mind, and this was the solution. Mostly because, um….she did seem interested in Ce or some crap like that.

"Mhm…."

"Mr. Zhuge Liang, I would wish to learn right now so maybe it's best if you continued the class, don't mind me interrupting.~" I exclaimed, changing the topic successfully…I hope. I didn't want him to mercilessly tease me….

"Ah yes, why of course." He answered hiding a small chuckle.

I raised my eyebrows, and prayed to myself that he wouldn't pull anything.

~:~:~:~:~:~

**After Class**

"U-Uh, L-L-Lu Xun?" I heard a small, yet somehow strong voice stutter my name. I blinked, and turn around to see the owner of the voice.

"Ah, Ms. Da, correct?" I smiled politely at her, addressing her with a totally polite name.

Maybe she would take it the wrong way and think I'm calling her old? I hope not…

"I…." She whispered nervously, twiddling her fingers.

"Ah! I can't say it!" She cried, a blush on her face.

I blinked quickly.

Um…what?

Is she confessing to me?

Ah, I better not be jumping to conclusions. Because who'd like a freak like me, right?~ Only someone insane would, of course. Which would totally be Shang Xiang, she doesn't know it, but she totally likes me.

What? Did I deny it earlier? Oops, my mistake.

"What is it, Da?" I asked, tilting my head to the side like a girl…although, I will assure you that I'm fully male and heterosexual thank you very much.

"U-Uh…." She flushed deeply, I assumed that she must be heating up. Poor girl.

"Ah, relaz, just tell me." I chuckled, in hoping to calm her down at least.

"C-Can you help m-me with…" She asked in a small voice, "Ce?"

I facepalmed myself x9000. What was I thinking?

"Wait, did you say relaz?" She asked, changing the topic. My eyes widened.

"What."

"Relaz, what a weird thing…" She murmured to herself, not knowing that I can perfectly understand her.

"Well, anyways yes," I answered, "of course I will!"

See world, I CAN be a nice person.

"Y-You will?" She shouted, surprised blatantly, "thank you so much!"  
"Ah, it's no problem-" I tried to say before she basically glomped me.

"How could I make this up to you?" She cried, holding very tight on to me. I put on a weirded-out expression.

She's really taking this far, isn't she?

"Ehem, Xunnie, mind getting off Da?" I heard a strong voice scoff. I looked up and saw Ling Tong giving me an awkward side glance smirk.

"Tong, shush." I harshly whispered to him, relieved to know that Da Qiao didn't even hear Ling Tong, surprisingly.

"Whatever." He shrugged. I sighed. Of course. Luckily for me, he left!

"So, do you have any idea that you'll do it?" She whimpered, sinking her face into my freaking chest that totally has abs. Seriously, okay?

"Ah….I'll try," I replied, "but I'm pretty sure it may or may not work."

"That doesn't help…." She sulked quietly. I blinked. Damn, that didn't help. O-OH! Please pardon my horrible language, thank you.~

"I'll think of something, just wait." I promised, raising my right pinky. (Okay, who actually cares which pinky it was, but really I don't care if you care about well I don't even know what I'm saying now.)

She linked her left pinky with my pinky. I smiled and shooked it. "That's a promise, and if I break it you are free to potentially ruin my life by cutting off my pinky."

She looked at me, terrified. "Oh dear, that wouldn't be good to happen!" She whimpered.

I chuckled, "It's just a thing, but I'm sure it won't happen, because no matter how," I raised our entwined pinkies in the air, "you will get together with him somehow."

"Uh-one question, why did you actually accept my request?" Da questioned. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, so I could be a pedophile and marry your kid in the future." I sarcastically remarked.

"W-What?" She gasped.

"Just kidding."

"A-Ah, I see…."

We both laughed.

~:~:~:~:~:~

**Lunch Time, yay.**

"Pfft, you're doing that?" Shang Xiang sneered at me rudely, talking with her mouth open, dear god that annoys me.

"SHANG XIANG, HAVE PROPER MANNERS!" I yelled out of the blue, and she just stared at me.

"You shut up." She shot back with her brilliantly planned out comeback. Nice job, you deserve a cookie, Shang Xiang. Not. "So she likes my brother, correct?"

"Yeah, my sister has been fawning over him since she first saw him!" Xiao chimed in, happily. Well gee, Xiao Qiao I don't really think she's fine with you randomly yelling in the whole lunch room while she's in the bathroom.

Then again, I shouldn't be talking. Or thinking.

"So, Lu Xun, how are you planning to even do this?" Someone being useful for once inquired. And to my low displeasure and shock, that someone was Jiang Wei.

"Well, I do it my usual way." I answered promptly.

He scoffed, raising an eyebrow, "And that would be?"

"Trolling of course!" The auburn-haired girl that was very…cheerful shot in again. I gritted my teeth, and shot a short glare at her, before stealthily putting an innocent smile on my face.

"Like you did at my birthday….." He trailed off.

"Please don't doubt me; I think I know it in me that it would work….somehow." I nervously said, I mean, I came over such obstacles before but…

Okay, I doubt myself.

"Guys, are you willing to help me execute this finely planned-out strategy to strike a feeble trolling attempt in order to be help someone in some type of way?" I asked with an unconfident smile.

Xiao smiled at me in a hopeful fashion, "Of course! I'll help my friend, and even possibly help my sister in love!"

Shang Xiang sighed, but put on such a determined face. Her jade green eyes glinted, "Ha! Of course. Anything to beat you!"

I chuckled. Well, she certainly loved to challenge me a lot.

At least she isn't mad at me!~

"I feel like I have no choice," Wei muttered, "I'll help."

I showed them all a genuine smile, and rolled out a piece of paper that I was juggling around in my hand.

"Wait! Why didn't you show that earlier?" Wei protested, the anger in his eyes were absolutely there.

"Uh, I had to get your trust first, of course," I explained, "that way it was easier for you guys to execute the plan with me."

"Ugh, okay."

"Great! So basically we are going to do the regular and typical cliché matchmaking situation first, and then we can repeatedly decide to go for some different tactics." I started, even pulling out a diagram. "Speaking of which, when do you think Da is going to get back here, and why the crap is Wei here anyways?"

"I mean, he usually eats at the Shu table."

He rolled his eyes, "I can sit at whatever table I wish."

"Really? I wish I knew that earlier, so then I could get the heck away from sitting with these idiots!" Shang Xiang whined, immediately banging her head against the table.

"Milady! Please do not bang you head against the table, it is not good for your brain cells!" Wei shouted, quickly going to cover his hand on the table as some cushion. Jiang Wei, stop being so polite.

I know that you really aren't like that. And pfft, how old-fashioned of him to say "milady."

"Whatever! I do what I want!" She screamed into his hands. And I have a feeling she licked his hands, because he immediately withdrew them.

Aha, serves you right.

"I am sorry to interrupt, but you had never answered my first question," I said, a bit most annoyed, "Xiao Qiao, I believe that you may know the answer to that."

"Oh! She said she was taking care of her make-up again, and when she comes back, she's going to totally take her lunch away from us and eat with Ce!" She exclaimed happily, practically chewing on her sister's food.

"But, you already ate all of her food….." I protested, a bit scared at how Da may react to that.

"Nah, don't worry, I do this all the time and she has gotten used to it!" She gave me a smile, giggling.

"Oh….I suppose that may be a relief, then," I commented, "now continuing what I was saying before about the plan….."

**~:~:~:~:~:~**

**Later, after school. Plan A commences. Starting from right outside school-to the park. **

"Hey, Hey sis!" Xiao Qiao shouted. She was the first one to initiate the plan. Boyue and I crouched down behind the bush-shrub, whatever. And yes, Boyue is Jiang Wei's style name by the way. Yeah.

"Eh? What do you need, Xiao?" Da asked, of course being purely confused. We got Shang Xiang to move on the other side to bring Ce here.

Heh, I just find it a bit ironic that they would like to participate in my strategic trolling attempt. I mean, Xiao? She was obviously going to do it with me, but I just trolled Shang Xiang and Wei not long ago. I hope they forgave me? Well, anyways.

"Wait!" I hissed to Wei, "You should be watching Shang Xiang and stuff! Now go away!"  
"Eh," Wei shrugged, "I guess I shall help Lady Shang Xiang. Bye."

After looking both ways, he nodded to me and snuck out of the leafy bush, hopefully unseen by the elder Qiao.

"Come with me to the park!" Xiao cried, "I need help with something! And I don't wanna be stuck at home again!"  
"Eh…okay, if it's for you, Xiao." Da answered; her eyes flickering, a bit nervous to what would happen. I immediately crouched down to the damp mulch. Ew, it's….gross.

Dang it! It would've been better if Boyue was here. But then, he would've screamed and ran away, therefore ruining our plan. Nevermind, then.

I crept along the ground, as the Qiao sister laughed on their way down the streets to the park. I resorted to standing now, sneaking every now and then like a total ninja. When Da Qiao looked away, Xiao spotted me and giggled, sporting a thumb up. I nodded back to her, smiling.

"Eheeeee! So, big sis, we're basically going to do a fun experiment, because Mr. Sun said it would be fun!" Xiao exclaimed, rambling on about something that was…actually…..true. I had him last year, so I guess yeah.

"Okay, so we basically do bunches of things!"

"Ah, sorry, but I'm not sure I can…" Da stuttered, a bit confused at her reasoning.

I facepalmed silently. Nice job on confusing her, Xiao.

I heard a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see that it was Wei. "What?"  
"Lady Sun is coming soon, please wait for Plan A to commence." He answered, talking all fancy to show off. Please, I could do that too. I think Boyue and I need to have a very, very good fancy-talk war. Or a staring contest. Yes, a staring contest.

"Okay, that's excellent." I smiled warmly. "Now, light the fires of-"

Wei stared at me, weirdly. "What. No."

I pouted, and put away my matches. "But fire…."

"But no. I'm seriously going to tell your mom that you smoke on campus." He ranted at me, attempting to distract me from seeing my plan succeeding! Douche. He should know that I was kidding about that. Ugh, too serious.

"Also, that wasn't even part of the plan!"

Jiang Wei, please. I know what I am doing. I still have to incorporate the trolling part. And luckily, Da is perfectly wearing a white shirt. Hehhhehehehheheheheehee.

Wei looked at me again, raising a right eyebrow. Oh no, he must of saw me chuckling creepily.

"Xun!" I heard Shang Xiang's voice whisper loudly, "I got my brother over here!"

I nodded to her, "Perfect."

I also turned to Xiao Qiao, "Get your sister closerrrrrrrrr to him."

"Hai!" She saluted to me, and motioned for Shang Xiang to do so as well.

"Eh? Ce? What are you doing here?" Da asked shyly, being the shy girl she is, yep.

"I could ask you the same thing!" Ce shouted, surprised. He started to laugh. Da felt like she had no choice, but to giggle with him.

"Project, right?" They both inquired rhetorically in a simultaneous fashion. They laughed again. Aww, they are so cute. But dorky. Mostly dorky.

Wow, I wouldn't of ever thought that I would be the one to use those two words. What words? Dorky and Cute.

"Now!" I waved my hand for them to do my plan, "Push, girls!"  
They both nodded at me, grinning giddily to see their siblings together like this.

"Ahhh!" Da screamed, but fortunately she isn't very loud or I would get arrested….

Sun Ce was confused, but managed to catch her. I smirked in my wonderful shrub-bush-whatever. I turned to Wei. Wow, the serious wannabe was actually smiling at this.

I wonder why he participated in this, anyways. This has nothing to do with him. I mean, he could be hanging out with his Shu friends and Mr. Zhuge…(Still idolize the ultimate troll, by the way.)

Oh my god! This means he actually likes being my friend, yayyyy. Dang, I sound like some stupid girl. Whatever.

I jumped out of the bush, and Shang Xiang shot me a glare, while Xiao happily handed me the bucket of water I hid behind the tree. And uh, some reason they started to kiss. Da and Ce. Haha.

Time to ruin the moment.

I crept up to them, they fortunately, not noticing….

And I poured all of the water on them.

They were surprised. I covered it up lamely saying, "Yeah, kissing in the rain. Romantic, am I right?"

"Oh no! Why of all days did I decide to wear a white shirt?" Da Qiao wailed and blushed while running away from Ce. I chuckled a bit, high-fiving Xiao Qiao.

Yeah, Xiao was in my plan because she wanted some revenge on her sister for doing something. I looked to my side to see Shang Xiang glaring into my soul, and Wei giving me a disapproving frown. What are they, my parents? Apparently they are right now. I gulped while seeing Ce's menacing face.

I yelped loudly, and ran like a girl with Ce, and Shang Xiang chasing after me-Wait, SHANG XIANG YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE! Well, time to sprint home for my life!

* * *

_A/N: Yay, horrible endings. __LU XUN, YOU DISAPPOINT ME._

_Well, anyways. Thank you for reviewing and painstakingly waiting oh-so long. Well, not really. I don't have fans….:D No really, can I borrow yours, Xiao Qiao?_

_Yeah, it has a small plot. But mostly just Lu Xun and his shenanigans. It'll never end….._

_Until like what?_

_Suggestions will be happily taken! And any constructive criticism. And please tell me if any of them is out of character! Just not about Xun, because I'm fully aware that he isn't in character at all. I ruined him for you, hopefully. :3_

_And, plus, who do you want Lu Xun to troll next?_

_I was planning Ling Tong, but it can be anyone you desire!_

_Probably more of Guan Suo. I mean, he trolled Suo directly in the game. You know, battle of Yi Ling (Wu side.) That's a DW 7 stage, though….. I haven't played DW8 yet. Sorry. I don't speak Japanese._

_So review or not! And yeah, long chapter in place of my disappearance. _


	4. Xunnie vs Zhuge Liang! Part 1

_A/N: Ohmygosh is this the ultimate troll? Yes-but no. The ultimate troll would be the end of the one-shot series. AND THIS IS NOT GOING TO END._

_So they have announced Dynasty Warriors 8 to come out overseas! *Cheers.* _

_But I'm still irked at Lu Xun's 8 design. He looks just like my shortie classmate. That's ¼ Japanese. Yeah. _

_Asfg. Anyways, Lu Xun vs. Prime Minister! Who would win in the ultimate troll war?_

_I'm probably going to split this in 2 parts, cuz this thing might get long. _

_And yes, for their jobs I referenced to the modern DLC for 8. _

_Disclaimer: *Crumples it up and throws it in the garbage.* If I need one, you must be new to the term "fan"fiction._

* * *

**Ch. 4- Troll Wars! Xunnie vs. Zhuge Liang! Pt.1**

That night, I was on the phone with my dear friend, Wei. You know, Jiang Wei? That guy that shouts out benevolence, and had just been in the last two recent chapters? (4th wall breaking, aww yeah!)

"Lu Xun, what are you even talking about?" Jiang Wei asked, and I think I could hear a distinct crunching. Huh, he must've been eating chips. Fat, much, Mr. Benevolence?

"Well, I must strive to achieve the master ranks of Mr. Zhuge Liang!" I shouted into the phone, completely confident in my abilities.

"Nonononononononononononononono, what are you going to do?" Wei exclaimed, clearly frightened what would happen to his precious prime minister, as he called him.

"You'll see, my dear Wat-I mean, Jiang Wei." I told him, hoping to ease his conflicting thoughts, while actually quoting a stupid quote that's probably not correct. Whatever, I don't really care. Oh, and do you remember how I said that no one calls Jiang Wei "Wei"? Well yeah, I broke that long time ago. Sorry for probably confusing your poor soul.

"Don't include me in it!" Wei cried, completely ignoring what I was saying, "if he thinks/or finds out that I was involved, he might just drop the tutoring program and won't even let me pay off my debt by babysitting/tutoring little kiddies!"

I twitched a bit, getting slightly annoyed with Jiang Wei's rambling, "SHUT UP!"  
Wei quickly hung up after my outburst. Looks like I'm not recruiting him to be part of my plan. You see, here's Boyue's situation here: His family is dirt poor (no offense, Jiang family) since they had fallen into debt. Luckily-the school has rose and given Jiang Wei the chance to help pay off his debt, and let him to continue learning! Yeah, so most of the time right after school he goes to the elementary school and tries to help disabled kids. How benevolent.

Anyways, yeah. That's basically why he's sort of cranky about these thing, because Mr. Zhuge Liang is his savior. Yet, he's still in the student council, chilling out with me and all those other special people. And did I mention he is a piano pro-

Okay, enough of Jiang Wei. It's ME time.

Let's see, plan…..plan…what would be a good plan? I pondered on that thought. As I was in my totally awesome rolly-chair where I do my usual trolling; that's really bad apparently, according to society. I know right, society sucks! Okay, I just forgot for a moment that I apparently lack common sense. No seriously, Sun Shang Xiang just texted me:

* * *

**To: Lu Xun**

y do u not have common sense

**From: MS. PRINCESS THAT NEEDS TO SHUT UP! (Lu Xun's contact list…..god, he's mean.)**

* * *

**To: MS. PRINCESS THAT NEEDS TO SHUT UP!  
**Why do you not have proper grammar, Lady Shang Xiang?

**From: Lu Xun**

* * *

**To: Lu Xun**

u fuckin' suck.

**From: MS. PRINCESS THAT NEEDS TO SHUT UP!**

* * *

**To: MS. PRINCESS THAT NEEDS TO SHUT UP!**

Bitch, I do what I want.

**From: Lu Xun**

* * *

**To: Lu Xun**

dont b a hypocrite I kno that u lik to look all innocent even tho u r evil!1111!

**From: MS. PRINCESS THAT NEEDS TO SHUT UP!**

* * *

**To: MS. PRINCESS THAT NEEDS TO SHUT UP!**

And how would you know that, princess?  
**From: Lu Xun.**

* * *

**To: Lu Xun**

im not talking to u anymre

**From: MS. PRINCESS THAT NEEDS TO SHUT UP!**

* * *

**To: MS. PRINCESS THAT NEEDS TO SHUT UP!**

Just watch, you're going to text me back after an hour. Hahahahahahhaha.

**From: Lu Xun **

* * *

I put my phone back on the side. Well, I just love being a troll to Shang Xiang all the time. It's just funny. I decided to actually get up from my very (no seriously it's very comfy) comfy rolly chair. And, I sauntered across the room to my precious bed, not hesitating to pick up my planning journal on the way there.

I ascended, head-first, toward my bed, grabbed a pen and started to make notes inside my journal.

I started to write my plan out on how I will troll the ultimate troll:

_Whole scheme for starting troll war with Mr. Zhuge_

_Phase A:_

_Pay very close attention to class, and study the material he would be teaching in advance. Then, be a smart know it all and be like I know more than him! (Which is kinda impossible, by the way, but do I care? No.)_

_But again, in result I'll also troll the whole class (well….the ones who wants to answer the questions, at least.) But hey, two birds with one stone? Sweet._

_-Plan B: Series of pranks time. Prank the students in his class, causing millions of disturbances in class. He would get real irritated-no, it may backfire as I would like to learn. But, if I do the beforehand in Plan A-Plan B is guaranteed to work, hopefully. _

_-Plan C: Contact Zhou Yu. He may know a quite bit more on how to tug on Mr. Zhuge's strings._

_-Plan D: If all else fails, look at the big picture-you're obviously not going to succeed, but try to take a chance and stealthily mess up the whole entire lesson. By doing-things. Or do something during lunch break. Or do something to his house. But that's a bit immature. _

_Screw this, Zhou Yu contact time!_

…_..after I go to sleep._

_*insert drawn face of Jiang Wei, drawn by Lu Xun….beautiful.* __**Boyue does not approve.**_

I shut my journal. Okay, don't ask why I decided to put, "Boyue doesn't approve." Well, that's just simple because….he doesn't. We will indeed have a session on where we ponder on why the crap do I do the half of the things I do.

Or we can know now how I started to do the art that we call-trolling.

Simple. Ling Tong was being a meanie-

Oh look, a text from him now.

* * *

**To: Lu Xun**

Hey dude if you are still up go the fuck to sleep okay

**From: Tongieeeeeeeee**

* * *

I rolled my eyes at the text. Hypocrite, how about you go to sleep as well! At least he uses proper capitalization and spelling, I give him that. I listened to him, and went to the bathroom to perform nightly rituals and other crap.

Good night, world.

But before I did so, I sent a reply back.

* * *

**To: Tongieeeeeeeee**

Thank you so much for worrying, but I WAS going to go to sleep, mind you. I was busy thinking of new troll plans.

**From: Lu Xun**

* * *

I took a deep breath, and jumped into my bed, throwing my phone to the side.

Wait, did I just hit the-

"YI, COME DOWN RIGHT NOW!" My father yelled at me, pretty much really irritated if he used my real name. Yes, my real name is Yi. Don't judge. The reason I changed it was because of reasons.

Yeah.

Anyways, goodnight again.

I shut my eyes and my line of sight went pitch dark. Yeah, I just ignored my father. I'm such a rude child.

* * *

~:~:~

_**Beep! Beep!**_

No, shut up. I produced such a large yawn, leaning over to press the off button on my stupid alarm clock. BLEHHHHHHH!

"Xun, after you get ready come down here," My father exclaimed, shouting from below, "I have something very important to tell you."

"Yes, sir!" I replied back. I scratched my head. _What the heck am I doing? It's a Saturday!_

Why did I even set my alarm clock-I'll never know. It's forever doomed to remain a mystery. But yeah, it's Saturday. And I have nothing to do this day. Maybe my dad is giving me something to do since he doesn't want me to laze around.

I padded into the bathroom, and did my morning routine. You know-the usual things, brush my teeth, brush my beautiful hair, and etc.

I walked out of the bathroom, shining vibrantly. Oh yes, I'm looking fresh again. Like every day.

I reached the end of the hallway, and resumed to pound down the stairs mercilessly. Poor stairs. Whatever, they'll live. Except for the fact it's not even human-aha.

So, when I reached the last three steps, I was such a daredevil and jumped them. Yeah, that was pretty lame, wasn't it? Does it look like I give a single fuck? Haha, I didn't think so.

"So father, what are you going to talk to me about?" I asked, secretly hoping that I get to get a freaking car already. Yeah, that's right! I'm a typical teenager with an official driver's license.

"Even though we deemed you irresponsible since that little dispute we had with the Sun Family the other day, I decided to let you make your own decision and get a car!" My father delivered the news. I squealed in joy, jumping and everything.

"And no, you are not allowed to set it on fire." I froze, hearing that. Damn. There goes that. Well, I guess I can troll in a millions ways with a car!

"Oh yes, and you have to pay it off," I shrugged at that, it's normal in our household, "so it looks like you should go part time job-hunting today."

"…can't I just make some cash by hacking other's bank accounts-"

"No, that's not civil."

"But…"

"No buts, Yi, get a real job."

"I can't do anything, though!"

"For heck's sake, just shut up and get out of my house-hold! Or I'll kick you out right now in your pajamas!"

"…Yes father." I glumly mumbled, retreating back up to my room to get dressed and going.

Otherwise, I will lose all of my dignity if I go outside in my Charmander pajamas. I mean, seriously. It's pretty childish, but Charmanders are super awesome, okay? Well, since Sun Shang Xiang is my neighbor, I didn't want her to laugh at me. Yes, I do get embarrassed often. Surprising, I know.

Well, I suppose I shall get dressed.

* * *

\(^u^)/

I stood there, super freaking bored. I played around on my phone, texting random people. The main thing I'm pretty pissed off about is the fact that the only job opening I can get easily would be the Sun Family's restaurant, which is pretty much part timing.

So I went there, and greeted the family with a confident smile. (Hey, they are not going to see me sulk.)

"Hello Mr. Sun, I am here to fulfill a duty as an employee of your humble restaurant, on one condition-for you to help me bring honor to my family!" I explained my situation, in a fake way. Because it wasn't entirely true. Yep. It wasn't really for me to bring honor to my family, but more like to pay for a car. Yeah….

"Yeah, but you don't really need to bring honor to you family, though." He answered. I raised my eyebrows.

Well, bitch please-

"But I'll let you get a job here, anyways."

I brightened up. Hey, this was going good! I think it's going to be a marvelous experience.

"So, right now I'll let you work as a waiter, because we would think of you as a good bartender; but you must wait for maybe a few months at least, okay?" Mr. Sun explained, putting huge emphasis on why the heck I shouldn't even think about handling alcohol. I'll probably set everyone on fire yet. He probably wants me to get over my addiction to my matches.

I think he's convinced I smoke too. What a let-down…for your information, I do not smoke. I simply burn down things.

"Yay, waiting tables, sounds fun." I cheered in a sarcastic tone. Mr. Sun rolled his eyes, and hustled me in to change into my uniform.

"Your shift starts now, immediately!"

"Wait sir, I start already?"

* * *

-T_T-

I straightened the classy waiter outfit. No seriously, this thing is super freaking classy. Love it.

I strutted out (I guess) of the changing room like a boss. I do not drop things, so he shouldn't be worrying over that. I'm not clumsy, nope.

"Here are the ground rules here, Lu Xun," Yu explained-and at that I immediately assumed he was the head waiter, "don't agitate the customers, make sure to not drop any glass or dishes, and lastly, don't try to flirt with Da Qiao or else Ce will get real mad at you. Not like you will, anyways. Oh-and don't make Shang Xiang mad. She gets scary. Oh yes, don't even decide to try to wonder where Xiao Qiao is-"

"I can tell." I scoffed at his comment about Shang Xiang. Jeez, she's real violent. "Don't worry; I'll treat the princess perfectly well."

"Ah, okay, I trust you," He sent me off, "good luck!"

I gave him a quirk nod and a smile. Well, time to start my job.

I padded out of the kitchen, and prepared a notebook for me to take orders on. Do I have everything? Yes, yes I do. To make sure, I shuffled through my pockets on the sides of the aprons…..straws, pen, cell phone, ect…..

Welp, I'm good.

I sauntered out in a confident fashion. And I turn to see that my first customer is at table 7-and it is-

"Why hello Lu Xun; it's nice to see you here." Mr. Zhuge's voice reached my ears. I looked to see that he was with Mrs. Huang. Perfect.

"Ah yes, we'll start with the drinks," I started to sweat, _why did my first customer have to be Mr. Zhuge, _"so what will you get?"  
"I think we'll both take water." He replied.

I nodded in response, "Okay, I will get it to you shortly."

"Hmm, but before that, would you ever so mind telling me why you have taken it upon yourself to work at your girlfriend's family restaurant?" He questioned me. I raised my eyebrow at the girlfriend comment.

"Wait, I have a girlfriend, sir?" I asked stupidly. But I have no idea whom is he referring to... It irritates me, seriously.

"Yes, Ms. Shang Xiang, correct?" He answered.

I shook my head immediately. One word: Hell no. Actually, that was two. But I don't care.

"She's not my girlfriend, just a 'friend'," I answered rather bluntly, "besides, she's scary."

"Well, that's certainly not a nice thing to say." He chuckled at my face. Bastard.

"Anyways, I shall get your drinks to you in a minute." I cut off the conversation, and jogged to the drinks place and got two cups and filled them with water. I do apologize to you milady/sir, but I couldn't really find a good approach on how to describe that.

I went back to table 7 and presented them with the drinks.

"Ah, this doesn't seem to taste like water, does it now?" He mused on the glass of water. I twitched.

"Don't pull my leg with me now, of course it is water." I retorted instantly.

"Really now?" He smiled in a very unpleasant way, "it's a bit fizzy to me."

"Oh, it must be soda then," I apologized quickly, "sorry sir; I'll change that out immediately."

"And please do tell me when you are ready to order, yes?"

"Of course." Mrs. Huang gave me a sad smile. She must pity me. Urgh. I don't need any pity.

Okay, maybe I do. How would I be able to troll the customer?

_Bzzt! _Phone shut up, you should know that I'm not allowed to text on the job.

Well, the customer always trolls the waiter. Dang it.

They hesitated a bit at their order, and I impatiently tapped my foot. I finally heard a response…

"What do you suggest?" Mr. Zhuge asked, with a wry smile equipped on his face. I fumed.

"Well sensei, I must say-"

"You don't need to call me sensei outside of school."

"Okay….and thanks for interrupting me. Anyways, I would think that for you, specifically that **Genius Strategist's Edamame** would be great for an appetizer. As for drinks, you already got your water but you can always try the Shu special drink which is just green apple grapefruit soda. For your entrée maybe some nice **Three Visit Deluxe Curry Soup**, or even the **genius strategist's chilled noodles**." I suggested these nice entrees. If it was just me eating here, I would've suggested the drink of **FIRES OF YOUTH AND WISDOM**. AND **LU XUN'S SCORCHING HOT POT**. Wow, that sounds entirely delicious! Most likely because Shang Xiang had this smart idea to name some of the dishes after me!

"Ah yes, I'll take your offer on that. Do exactly as you suggested, but I wouldn't really want the Shu Drink." He answered. I gave him a bright smile and nodded, writing down the order. He didn't let his wife answer. Oh well, hope she's fine with this. I walked away to call the orders.

"Ce!" I yelled, "order for table 7!" I stuck the paper on the line thingy. That you use to do orders. He gave me a grunt in response.

I was summoned to another table. Goddamn, is this really that tedious?

I sighed, this was going to be a long day. I can't wait until lunch break.

"Xun, whatcha doing? GET OUT THERE AND SERVE THE TABLE!" Shang Xiang shouted at me. I twitched, and ran off to the next table.

* * *

~*w*~

**Lunch Break, finally!**

I panted in and out. Finally! This is over!

Damn, I didn't do a single troll this chapter. So welp, let's do it during the lunch break. I took out my phone to look at the text.

_Great, Tong again. _

* * *

**To: Lu Xun**

So I heard you are stuck with Shang Xiang with being your coworker since some reason you just have to work at her familys restaurant

**From: Tongieeeeeeeee**

* * *

Pfft. Like his job is any better.

* * *

**To: Tongieeeeeeeee**

Well, it's better than being a car mechanic.

**From: Lu Xun**

* * *

He didn't text back.

_What a shame. _I absent-mindly grimaced.

* * *

_A/N: Wow, some filler here for you. Actually, everything is filler! No plot here at all, yet again! Sorry, I make wayyyyyy too long chapters._

_But that's good, right? And yes, he didn't really troll anyone. So….yeah….*shrug.*_

_Sorry for not updating! I had to study for testing and other things! D: And I pretty much sucked this chapter. Ahahahah, and introducing Lu Xun's cruel nicknames for his friends in his contacts list. So yes, texts are now going to be shown. We are most definitely invading his life._

_OH YEAH, AND THOSE DISH NAMES IN BOLD...they are from those promotional restaurant food promoting Dynasty Warriors 8 or something. I found it under the Dynasty Warriors thing on Koei Wiki, here's a link. Spaces, delete them. _

_ k oei . wi kia . c o m . wiki/Dynasty_Warriors_8_


	5. Xunnie vs Zhuge Liang! Part 2

_A/N: I __forgot to mention this earlier, but I'd like to thank __**xsakura13 **__and __**Angry Nazar**__ for sticking around and making sure to review every one and each chapter. Thanks, you two! :D_

_And yeah, not much people give this a try, but I have fun derping around, making fun of the characters via Troll Xun rating system._

_So er, not much needs to be said, so let's go on with the story!_

**Disclaimer: What disclaimer are you speaking about?**

* * *

**Xunnie vs. Zhuge Liang (I guess) pt. 2**

I groaned inwardly in my seat. I have decided to go with my first plan in my "troll" log. Why did I even try to study all of this lesson's material? Now the consequence is basically me being super tired. Nice job, Xun. That is so you.

"And now we advance back to our precious Pythagorean Theorem." Mr. Zhuge instructed the class of the new topic.

The whole class pretty much groaned, except me. Hey, did I mention that Jiang Wei was in the same class as I for this block? Oh right, I only mentioned that Da was in my class. And pretty much Shang Xiang has the exact same schedule as me. I wonder why. Anyways, back on the real topic. Well, Jiang Wei didn't really groan, but I'd like to think that.

Before Mr. Zhuge started the presentation he has prepared, I raised my hand. He ignored me. I got a bit ticked off at that.

I wanted to shout his name, but I'd feel that I would be disrupting-

Oh wait, that's the point. So yolo, right? I shouted at the top of my lungs, "Mr. Zhuge!"

He gave a brief sigh in return. He sighed, "Yes, Xun?"

"May I make a statement about the lesson?" I politely requested. He nodded.

"Yes, go ahead."

"The Pythagorean Theorem is a formula founded by the mathematical cult started by Pythagoras. Some dude in his cult discovered this by looking at the rope stretchers of those who built the ancient pyramids of Egypt. Pythagoras himself didn't necessarily discover this, as I had said before, but it's still pretty amazing that his little group had achieved such a victory. Pythagoras still obtained the credit, and had the theorem named directly after him. Well, loosely, but that's not the point. It's used specifically on only right triangles, and will not work on any other type of triangle. You can classify as each side having a square, like this," I drew a right triangle in the air, dwindling my fingers to outline square on each side, "since I know that more than half of my peers will get this easily even without my explanation as they may of learned this before; I shall just advance to the main formula of a^2 + b^2 = c^2. A and B represent the 'legs' of the triangle while C is the hypotenuse. Mainly this simple formula is used to find the hypotenuse of the right triangle. And another point to mention is that the hypotenuse is right across from the right angle, that square you can see. And in cases when one of the so-called 'legs' are missing you would solve it in a form of an equation, subtracting the value of one of the legs^2 from the value of the hypotenuse^2. And tada, there is the Pythagorean Theorem explained in a nutshell."

I earned a large round of applause from my fellow pupils, and a single glare from Jiang Wei. Haha, I'm stealing your thunder, bitch. I also suspect that Shang Xiang was just smiling at me. Hahah, how nice.

I bowed to Mr. Zhuge, and quickly sat back down.

"Well, Xun," it looked like Mr. Zhuge was vaguely a bit pissed off that I taught the lesson for him, "it seems like you know the material very well…."

I crossed my fingers, hoping that he won't decide to just give me extra work. He made his way towards me, eyeing me down. Apparently everyone was staring at me. Fun.

"I will refrain from giving you extra work, since you explained it very well, therefore making yourself seem smarter than me." He beamed in a creepy fashion. "Not."

I think something's in my eye. "Mr. Zhuge, I can try!"

"Yeah, and you failed."

"Ass."

"What did you say?"

"I said that you were the best teacher in the world and we should avert the topic to the homework!"

"Oh," He hid a knowing smile that made me knew he had known what I've said, "well, sorry for the disruption, class."

"And it seems that your dear classmate Lu Xun has already taken up all of the time to explain it. Don't fret, as we have some time left to discuss the assignment."

I grinned as I feel that my hard work last night, pulling an all-nighter has paid off in the end as a successful troll attempt. Somewhat, I'm probably going to get in trouble for this. I could easily feel Jiang Wei's evil aura grazing me. I pretty much shuddered at that. You know, I hope my mother would be proud of my great academic achievement. It would be awesome. Seriously.

"Xun, was this another one of your trolling attempts?" Da whispered harshly into my ear. I nodded meagerly. I think she holds a grudge against me ever since I dumped water on her for the heck of it to kill two birds with one stupid stone. I feel realll bad for doing that. I even sent her an apologetic gift. I'm not sure if she accepted it or not. But judging from her tone right now, probably not, unfortunately, whatever I did to her might've been that scarring. That's pretty sad for me.

I finally answered, "Well, yes."

"You pretty much go far on these, don't you?" She inquired, her lips barely moving. She gave me a hard stare. "T-Tell me, why are you fond of doing this?"

Well, that was certainly something to hesitate about. I covered up my distress with a small, gentle smile. "Ah….well….I guess I like the feeling of it, you know adrenaline?"

"Mhmm, what else?"

"It must've started from a story," I explained, "wanna hear a story while we're doing classwork?"

She nodded. I smiled.

"Well, once upon a freaking time, I was on the interwebs. And I was in the comment section of a certain video. I saw everyone getting riled up over this user that was making a lot of hate about the video, pretty much pissing them off. I died laughing, since it just made me think that it's funny that if you annoy someone so much, they spend their oxygen raging at you about it."

"…Interesting." She commented, a bit weirded out over my story. Hey, I don't blame her. It was a weird reason why I started trolling.

"Oh, and Da?" I asked.

"Hmm?"

"Do you know how to save the world?"

"….Not really, no."

I gave a natural grin, "Well, find a picture of the earth…." I turned on my iPod touch, and was right on google. I typed in **Earth **and clicked on an image.

"And, push save into photo roll." I gracefully pressed down on the touch screen to save. "Now, you just have saved the world."

"…." She was left in silence. "….I see what you did there."

"You bet you did." We giggled together like high school girls talking about their crushes. Horrible simile, but works.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the short chapter! I procrastinated, unfortunately again. And I had a time limit this time, because tomorrow I'm going to go to China for a month! Whoot, I get to go to where all of our ancient heroes emerged from._

_WITH MY PARENTS BEING LOUD BLABBERMOUTHS. They need to shut up. _

_So I probably won't be updating this until probably July. Sorry guys. I could still respond to you, if my sister lets me use her laptop. I highly doubt so, though._

_So maybe I'll drag Wu with me. I have something planned for that._

_And I will pretty much troll Guan Yu next time. So, bye for now~!_


	6. Serious Talk and Guan Family Raid!

_A/N: Oops! Forgot to update. I originally was going to have Wu going to China, but that failed cuz I got lazy to write out my whole trip. 3 So instead we'll just go STRAIGHT to Guan Yu's troll. I will have some references from my China trip, so beware.~ And yes, now you may or may not see Dynasty Warriors 8 spoilers. BECAUSE HUZZAH! We are seeing the Guan Family this chapter. Guan Ping may or may not be left out. No one knows._

_And there is a bit of somewhat serious undertones this chapter. Don't worry, it's only at the beginning whenever Boyue and Boyan have their BRO talk._

_It's super long, because I need to make up to you guys, anyways._

_Warning: Lots of Zhong Hui jokes (no sorry I love him but it had to be done), Jiang Wei in a dress(?) (sorry the troll in me did it not my real muse. Sorry man.), The Guan family pretty much being the craziest beings ever. Lu Xun's abs being heavily insulted, Guan Xing trying to seem normal but he's unfortunately Haruka Nanase and just plain old ridiculousness. And probably minor cursing. But you already knew that this was T, anyways._

_Disclaimer: *It was not to be read as Lu Xun already burned it.*_

* * *

"Hey, you wouldn't mind if you help me out today?" Wei asked me. I froze. Wait, what?

I coughed, and regained my regular pose. "What makes you think that you have the honor of asking the great-"

"Shush Boyan, what are you, Zhong Hui?" He sent me a glare. I laughed. I guess that didn't work out to well. He still probably has something against me. I don't blame him, but he should've forgave me since we are the BESTEST friends 5ever.

"Haha, just kidding. Anyways, since I'm so nice what do you need?"

Jiang Wei shook his head, as he was ashamed just being with me. How rude. "I'm starting to think that I shouldn't even ask you for help. Maybe I'll just get someone kinder to help."

"What. Did you just call me mean? Puh-lease, Wei. I'm just mean to you." I was sort of offended. I mean, like, aren't I the nicest person in the world?

_Haha, you're funny Lu Xun, of course not. You are a TROLL. _Sun Shang Xiang's words flew into my head. (No, she hasn't said that in the story but she did tell me way earlier.)

"Don't lie to me, Xun. You are fond of trolling everyone. Think of it, is there anyone that you WOULDN'T troll?" Wei's face turned serious. I paused. His remark made me go speechless. That's definitely something to think about in my free time…

"Life isn't all fun and games, man." He continued his lecture. He took a small sip of his smoothie. Yeah, we were at an ice cream shop. We were just having our BRO bonding.

"Do you even know what you are going to do in the future?"

"Well, before I decide, what are YOU going to do?" I tried to avoid the subject, bringing up him instead. It might work.

"Huh? Well, train to be in the police force of course! I want to be all-"

"Benevolent, yeah, yeah I know." I gave a sad smile. Jiang Wei paused.

"Xun, what's wrong? Are you really that worried about your future…?" He checked to see if I was okay.

I stabbed my Banana Split with my spoon. I stood up immediately.

"Do you think I know what to do anymore? I'm a bit indecisive. I ask myself, 'am I good enough?', 'would this job be good?', and all I know is that I'm going to move on and study in university." I choked out those words. "And I think, maybe if…just maybe if I prolong my pondering and just go around and troll everyone. I'm still doing well in school. But I'm still uncertain about my future."

"Xunnie, I guess this is troubling you." He commented on my disgruntled face. "Relax. Put a smile on your face. I'll just have to watch for when you fall. I'm your 'bestie', I got your back. You take all of the time in the world to decide."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." I smiled.

"Okay, since now we dropped that future crap, you have to help me at the Guan hotel!" Wei decided immediately. Pounding his fist on the counter. I'm afraid that people are going to be staring at us and asking questions.

"Xunnieeeeee.~ Boyueeeee.~" Xiao pranced over. "What are you guys doing? It looks like you are disturbing the other people here.~"

I facepalmed. "Seriously? That's sort of embarrassing. I feel like two drunk men talking at a bar."

"…..Xun, we are not drunk you little crap." Wei retorted.

"Oh, I thought you were."

"IDIOT, there isn't any alcohol at a freaking Cosplay Ice Cream shop!"

"Just teasing, chill out."

"Pfft, you guys are funny. Anyways, since I'm already here….anything else you want to order?" Xiao asked cheerfully.

I shook my head, "Nah, I shouldn't be wasting my money."

"Ne, ne, I can give it to you for free since you oh-so-kindly carried Shang Xiang's, Sis's, and my bags the other weekend." She decided to make a proposal, also somewhat embarrassing me in front of Wei.

"Pfft, you carried their bags?" He snickered at Xiao's proposal.

I gritted my teeth, and thought of a clever comeback, "Please, you would do it in a heartbeat if Shang Xiang, Sanniang, Xingcai, or Yinping asked you. You're probably asking me to help out at the hotel because of Yinping."

Wei blushed, "H-Hey, I didn't do that because of the ladies. I-I was just being helpful to my fellow group members."

"Haha, sure." I chuckled. "But yeah, I'll help out. It's tomorrow, on Saturday, right?"

"Yeah."

"Wait, but isn't today Saturday?" Xiao wondered, putting her finger on her cheek, tilting her head over.

"No, it's Friday."

"What? Seriously?" Xiao panicked, "then I asked for the rest of the day off after 6:30 for nothing?"

"Bye Xunnie, bye Wei! I gotta fix my schedule again.~" She waved to us and skipped away. I sighed, Wei did so as well.

"Well, yeah. I'm ready to troll tomorrow. So watch out.~"

"Yeah, Yeah. I'm totally NOT looking forward to it."

I grinned in reply.

* * *

GAMBATTE!-*\(owo)/*-LU XUN!

**Saturday-9:20 AM**

We met near the gates of the Hotel. Like, probably 4 feet away from the hotel. (too lazy to say how many meters it would be. America is stupid and uses the customary unit system. I mean, it's easier to convert in the metric system, duh.)

"Erm, why did I have to come out THIS EARLY?" I inquired, crossing my arms and tapping my foot. Yeah, like a diva.~

"It's not early, you drama queen. It's only 9 AM." Wei sneered, not amused at my impatience at all.

"Boyue, look. I'm not a drama queen. I'm a TROLL." He rolled my eyes at my correction.

"Anyways, I have a SPECIAL gift for you, Wei.~" I sung. His eyes widened, wondering what it could possibly be. I hid my smirk. Oh, he fell for it too soon.

I whipped out a dress out of my man-purse (jk it was actually a backpack) and handed it to him.

"I got you a dress! I saw this the other weekend, and really thought it would fit you well." I smiled, holding up the dress. The dress itself was jade green, decorated tediously with a bow on the top. Jiang Wei frowned immediately.

"No. Just no. You jerk." He glared at me. Hey, he had a ponytail. So I thought he would look fine in it. He clearly disagreed with me, as he had a disgusted look on his face. He even took the liberty to raise his fist towards me. Like Zhong Hui would say, "No not the face!"

I think I saw that comedic anime effect, because there was fire everywhere forming around Jiang Wei.

Ooh, I liked that. Fireeee.

"Whoa! What a cute dress!" A new, cheerful voice shouted rushing over to Jiang Wei and I, "oh yeah, what's your name? Lu Xun, right?"

I eyed her, (I was totally not checking her out of course, I mean who does that? Fine, I did. You can't blame me, that's how a boy's mind works. Get with the program already) she had long black hair, with two hair buns, with one of them covered by a hat. She was wearing her hotel uniform, I think. Yeah, she does not look like Guan Yu at all. But I guess she's still a Guan.

I nodded respectfully, "Ah yes, it's such a pleasure to meet the daughter of Guan Yu." I narrowed my eyes and whispered, "_He's sort of scary and doesn't resemble you at all, hope you don't mind me saying that."_

She giggled, and went to hug Jiang Wei. "So, who's the dress for, Xunnie?"

I clenched my teeth. Great, yet another person calling me "Xunnie." I waved this off for now, as I would deal with her later. "Jiang Wei, of course."

Jiang Wei growled at me.

"Anyways, I'm Guan Yinping. I also think it would be nice if he actually wore it," Yinping beamed, introducing herself. She turned to murmur to me, hoping that Wei wouldn't hear, "_We should team up and pounce on him immediately. Maybe if I do this right, he would listen and accept."_

I hid a smile and nodded. "_Okay, sounds good."_

Jiang Wei looked at us warily, "Hey, what are you guys talking about?"

As soon as he said that, Yinping launched herself and grasped his shoulders, restricting him from moving. I swiftly grabbed his pressure point, and pressed on it. He was alarmed, and stiffened up. He was knocked out in an instant. Pfft. I can't believe that he's even weak to such underhanded tactics like this.

She carried him right on her shoulder. My eyes widened. Well, I guess I shouldn't mess with her. She looks like she can beat me up. (Pfft, but not when I have swallow swords…~But this is an AU, not the real game….Okay, back to the real story.)

She and I advanced to the hotel, and I took notice of the décor. It's rather nice. It has sort of a…I don't know, a "benevolent" feeling, if you catch my drift? Pshh, I think it just comes with everyone in Shu. Mostly Jiang Wei, actually probably Zhuge Liang. He didn't count as he was the evilest troll ever. So yeah, Jiang Wei. And unfortunately, I hang out with him the most. I sort of frowned at my misery.

Anyways, once we were at the doors, she took it upon herself to yell for one of her brothers, "SUO, Come on, quickly! I need to change Boyue into a dress! He would look super cute!"

Guan Suo suddenly appeared in front of us. I raised my eyebrow at his super teleporting skills. I wanted them. He took a good look at me. He smiled, and grinned. I wouldn't really know why, since I already know him. He's in my class. And saw my endeavors of trolling Zhuge Liang. I also know his older brothers and that other dude that hangs out with them. They're in my gym class or something like that. I just didn't know Yinping because she has a totally different schedule from me.

"Sweet, a new person to terro-I mean hang out with! That's so nice of Boyue, don't you think?" He exclaimed, beckoning over his older brother, Xing. But of course, since they were an inseparable pair, I guessing Zack Fair-oops, I meant Zhang Bao pranced along as well. I went to scratch my head, as an attempt to look totally carefree. But it failed. Miserably. They just looked at me weirdly. An awkward silence ensued for like, a total of 5 minutes. I twitched. But Guan Xing was oh-so nice to break the silence by saying something STILL completely awkward.

"Hi, welcome to the Guan Hotel, please enjoy your stay here." He welcomed me, I suppose. His expression still stayed the same. Wow, I wonder if he's the Cao Pi type or something. Like the one who keeps his expression the same forever. Like, does he even smile?

Probably so.

I stopped my pondering, to hear Suo and Yinping joint-carrying Jiang Wei to the men's bathroom. No one questioned them, as they were the owner's children. Welp, thank goodness, too. I would probably laugh if someone was to wonder about Yinping going into the men's bathroom. She does whatever she wants, I suppose.

Another Guan sibling had appeared to meet me. I guess it's Ping, of course.

"He doesn't usually help out here, as he's busy with the dojo. He wants to train and become as strong as father. Also, I think he volunteers at a clinic some reason. And he stalks Xingcai all of the time, as well. I think Liu Shan is his stalking buddy." Xing informed me. I snickered at that. It sounds like Xing stalks him, actually.

"Sorry, he's a bro-con. Don't mind him.~" Za-I mean, Bao told me. Sorry, I keep confusing him with the Final Fantasy VII Character Zack Fair. I hope he doesn't mind? Well, technically he wouldn't, as I won't be telling him. Yeah. Hope it doesn't slip out. Of course, I didn't believe that Xing was a bro-con. He surely didn't look like it.

"WOW JIANG WEI! You have nice abs!" I heard Yinping's voice yell from the bathroom. Wow, she's a bit…um, bold may I say?

"Yeah! I think he surprisingly works out or something. Super toned. Better than Xunnie's probably." Suo commented.

"But never as good as Ping's muscles…" She sighed in happiness.

Yeah, no shame at all. I blushed at how loudly she was declaring this. I looked over to Ping, and he didn't mind at all. Wow, so he was used to this? HOW? This family is odd.

HEY WAIT. Did Suo just call my abs stupid? NOPE. JIANG WEI CAN NEVER BE BETTER THAN ME!

I looked over to Xing, and beckoned him over. He nodded immediately, and I whispered into his ear, "I think you're the only normal one…"

He nodded, and a ghost of a smile outlined his mouth. Okay, he's definitely considered normal if he has more than one regular emotion. Sweet.

"Yeah, except for the fact that I have a best friend always hanging out with me. I guess that it's the capabilities of the middle child." He chuckled at this. "Anyways, so you're here to volunteer, right?"

I smiled, "Yep. And to troll, but you don't need to know that."

He raised his eyebrow in amusement, "troll, eh?"

He shook his head and just let that go, "so I guess we'll get you suited up in a uniform. You're going to help me bellhop. Even though apparently, according to Guan Suo you wouldn't be good for the job, but I believe you. You're strong enough."

"Thanks, I appreciate that you have faith in me.~" I grinned, catching the uniform with ease. He ordered me to go change in the bathroom, but I ignored him, making up the excuse that Yinping and Suo are freaking me out right now.

Luckily, at that, Yinping and Suo escorted a Boyue in a dress out. Man, I guess he woke up, didn't he?

"I hate you guys! Even you, Lady Guan!" He shouted, flushing super hard. It was like….he was on FIRE.

AND I LOVE FIRE.

You know what that means….

I looked above him to see that there was a sign that said "**NO BURNING."**

I snapped my fingers. "Well damn."

Guan Yinping was just staring at him in plain admiration. She was even just blushing at the sight of it. "Perfect…It's just perfect…."

I sighed, and Xing sauntered over. Oh, was he going to do a normal big brother thing and scold them?  
It obviously didn't go that away. Instead, Xing took out his iPhone 5 and snapped a photo of Jiang Wei. And I think he posted it on tumblr or something.

"Hopefully I get a lot of notes." He said plainly. I went over to the group, Ping and Bao followed me.

"Argh, you guys are pretty crazy…" Bao remarked. I nodded in agreement. Xing just glared at him silently.

"Like you should be talking."

"What, you wanna go?"

"YEAH. Let's do this shit."

"LET'S GO."

"HEY! Xing, Bao, stop and do your job properly!" Guan Yu boomed from his office. Well, I assumed it was Guan Yu. "AND XING, NO CURSING. THAT'S BAD."

"Yes, Father." Xing sadly noted. Suo and Ping snickered in the corner.

"Pfft, being a middle child sucks, doesn't it?" I asked him, "By the way, why can't I burn things?"

He brightened up at my apparent idioticness, "Oh, that means no smoking. So that means you smoke then..?"

"NO! God, why does everyone think that?" I retorted in obvious distaste.

"Hm, I guess joking around once in a while is pretty good," Xing remarked, "anyways since we're having like 5 teams staying here for the badminton tournament, I need you to change into your bellhop uniform immediately. You too, Jiang Wei."

Wei groaned, "Of course, that's why I came here. And I'm so HAPPY that I get to get out of this stupid dress…."

Xing shot him a friendly smile, "it's okay, Yinping is actually fond of seeing us crossdress. Well, actually, just between Suo and I."

* * *

-**Intermission-Work Time! But no one would want to hear that, right? So let's instead see what happened to Jiang Wei in the bathroom for a time passer.-**

I drowsily opened my eyes to see Suo and Yinping creepily smiling at me, taking pictures…? Of what? I looked down, and realized I was in that stupid dress Xunnie bought! Why, that troll…..

I pushed both of them off. "I apologize, but CAN I GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS DRESS?"

Yinping whimpered, "But I wanted to see you in one. And you look super cute, as well!~"

"Yeah, everyone in Shu has to crossdress at least once! Well you know; the younger part of our group. And we just couldn't pass up the chance Xunnie provided." Suo chimed in. I gnashed my teeth. Stupid Boyan. He sucks!

"OH yeah, you have really nice muscles and abs. Do you work out all of the time?" She innocently asked. I reddened at her compliment. Oh man, I knew she was always a muscle fanatic, but did she seriously just have to point out mines?

"….N-No, not really. But I guess it may have come from when I was younger and helped around the house….." I replied, a bit hesitant and embarrassed at the same time.

"Ah, I see! Well, no wonder! They look way better than Xunnie's, just so you know." Suo exclaimed. I sighed. These guys are like twins. And they are sort of weird. But I guess, they're still my friends.

"Great, so can I get out of this dress now?"

"Haha…..NO."

"W-What?"

**-Intermission over-Lunch Break!-**

* * *

"Oh yeah, maybe after work we can go and swim in the pool!" Yinping suggested eagerly. Xingcai and Bao Sanniang also came over later. They were just shopping earlier, without Yinping. Because they are so cruel to her-oops, I meant to say that she had work.

I looked over to the Guan brothers. Guan Ping was literally sweating, and red with embarrassment with just being in the 10 feet radius of Xingcai, Suo was being…Suo, and Xing was about to get up and announce something.

And he did, "DID YOU JUST SAY POOL?" He ripped off his uniform, to reveal that he was wearing swim trunks?

What?

And he ran out of the break room, into the swimming pool, with Yinping and Bao trailing behind him to restrain him.

The rest of us shrugged and followed him.

"What the crap. Does he do this every time anyone mentions pool?" Jiang Wei questioned, clearly exasperated. Sadly, Suo nodded.

"Well yeah, he is in the swimming anime, after all." He remarked. I raised an eyebrow at that.

"What?"

"Haha, just kidding. Don't worry about it Xunnie," Suo teased me, poking my cheeks over and over again. "Oh yeah! I'm taller than you! Which is cool, and means that I have more authority!"

"Well, I can easily burn your face." I returned, with an evil glint in my eye. He backed away.

Haha, sucker.

DON'T MESS WITH THE POWER OF FIRE!

"XING, didn't I tell you to NOT go into the swimming pool while the customers are in there?" Guan Yu demanded, stomping out of his office as well. I'm guessing Xing already reached the pool. We all sprinted over there to see the situation.

"Sorry father, I just happen to really like water." Xing sunk deeper into the water, completely unaware of the girls staring at him. Okay then.

"….I'll let you go for now, but don't do this again." Mr. Guan just moaned, and muttered that he had crazy kids as he retreated back to his office of finances.

I laughed heartily, "Wow, that's so stupid Xing."

Everyone pretty much nodded in agreement.

Xing just flipped his hair for no reason, and got out of the water. He looked depressed about it for some reason. Weird.

"Anyways, what's a good place to set a fire?"

"Lu Xun-don't you dare…"

I smiled evilly. Oh yeah, please read on for some info, since I know most wouldn't read author notes. (FOURTH WALL BREAKING AWW YEAH.)

* * *

_LONG A/N: Yeah, I'll just end it here. I felt it was getting too stupid and too long. But mostly too stupid. I just made sure to put in a lot of Free! Jokes about Guan Xing. Cuz you know, he has the same voice actor as the main character of Free! So I just did that. Swimming Anime, if you there are also Dynasty Warriors tumblr jokes probably as well. I apologize deeply. I just made jokes about everyone._

_(I'm sorry I'm in love with Guan Xing so I have a lot of bias in this chapter. Oops.)_

_Sorry about Xunnie NOT really trolling Guan Yu, but I couldn't think of anything relevant. So I just settled with trolling Jiang Wei again, and having some more filler! Just lots of filler. And some serious crap that may or may not matter to the plot. Anyways, I'll upload a mini comic I made for the dress scene on my profile. _

_Anyways, feel free to drop a review (or not) and suggest who he should troll next. I'm scratching my plan of trolling Guan Suo, because I'm pretty sure you guys think of my portrayal of the Guan Family are very OOC and that they are nutcases. (Which is pretty true to me, only, though. I mostly got Yinping and Xing OOC. Probably the only non-OOC character would be Zhang Bao who barely pops up. Haha.)_

_Oh yeah, the "No Burning" thing came from some sign I saw in China. I just thought 'Lu Xun." So this happened. xD_

_I had to end at that note, and leave Guan Yu's reaction of Lu Xun trying to set the hotel on fire up to you guys. It wasn't good, I will say._

_Anyways, thank you so much for reading this crappy story. _

_And if you got freaked out, THEN START READING THE GODDAMN WARNING, YOU LITTLE PRICKS._

_And, I'll just kindly post some of the China trip one. Just the shopping scene. (I only completed that.)_

* * *

_**READ ON:**_

_WARNING: It may contain lots of cussing? I don't know, I am now in curse hyper-drive since I'm finally out for the summer…? _

**New Sights, and New….great, Xun is trolling the air attendant again.**

"Xunnie!" Xiao squealed and went to glomp me. I sighed with a whimsical smile.

"Yes, Lady Xiao?" I squeaked.. She was being very cheerful, bouncing around and everything.

"I'd like to invite most of the Wu group to go on a trip to China with my sister and me!" She was pretty much dying to go with us. Hmm, it must be pretty fun. But, wouldn't we be skipping school…?

"Did you actually forget that we had summer break coming up?" A new voice chimed in, accusing me. Crap, did I actually say that out loud? How embarrassing for them to hear my silly thoughts…

And of course the new voice just had to be Shang Xiang. God, why is her name such a hassle to say, anyways? That's pretty annoying, in my perspective.

"Xun, what about it?"

I snapped back into reality. "Of course."

"Who else is going to come?" Sun Shang Xiang asked, straightening her freaking awesome bff matching t-shirt. You see here, Ling Tong, Gan Ning, Sun Shang Xiang, and I made awesome matching t-shirts. (Oh my gosh, first time Gan Ning was mentioned here. He was pretty much derping around with Tong the whole time whenever Tongy wasn't hanging out with me.) Each of our matching t-shirts have a symbol representing each of us. I have fire on mines, Shang Xiang has a fake necklace imprinted, Tongy has nunchucks on his, and Ning…uh, and you don't want to know about that. Oh yeah! And they read **"May I burn 5ever!" **(my idea, by the way!) Pretty cool, hmm?

"Well, most of the younger ones of the group. And Zhou Yu!" Xiao squealed excitedly about Yu. Jeez, I know they're going out and everything but does she have to obsess over him most of the time? But I know that's he's whipped, ahahahahahaha.

"Xun, what are you thinking about?" Da questioned, pretty much wondering what the crap am I laughing manically about. I laughed nervously.

"Nothing, really," I replied, "so when are we going to leave?"

"Next weekend, of course!" Xiao and Da chorused together, I could tell they were pretty excited.

I smiled at the two girls. Haha, I guess we'll have fun.

"We should pack; I wouldn't want you guys to forget anything!" I warned the three ladies. Xiao nodded eagerly, while Da gave a worried glance. I looked to my left. And Shang Xiang was poking the hell out of me. Tch. How annoying. She had a pouty expression on. Again.

"I don't want to pack now!" She screamed, resorting to poking me in a hard-core fashion, "it's just Sunday right now, I wouldn't want to pack until next Friday, okay?"

I gave her such a mighty glare, and flicked her finger off. "Don't procrastinate, milady."

"Jeez, you're such a hypocrite! You said that it's too old-fashioned of Jiang Wei to say that, yet you do?" Shang Xiang scoffed at my addressing of her. I rolled my eyes.

"You, shut up."

"How about no?"

"Hey guys, stop arguing! Let's go shopping instead!" Xiao chimed in, hoping to make a better choice to lead away our mindless bickering.

"Okay," Shang Xiang gave a bright, hopeful grin, "I'll settle our fight by forcing Xunnie carry all of our crap."

I whined, "Heck no! Why do I have to do it?"

"Unless you want to try on the dresses too…?"

"Ladies, Ladies, don't sulk and bicker over who gets to wear the cute dresses!" Xiao joked, dividing us by her hand.

"I don't even like to wear dresses though!" Shang Xiang exclaimed.

"I don't crossdress, nor am I a female!" I retorted, at the same exact time Shang Xiang did. "Wait, did you just call me a lady?"

"Well, duh! Xunnie, you're so silly sometimes!" She teased me, bumbling with laughter.

"Everyone, let's just go shopping already…" Da sighed, yet giving a slight ghost of a smile to us. Yeah, she's the peace keeper in our little cat fights. Wait, why am I included in the Wu group's ladies again?

\/\/O\/\/

"Argh, so you did keep your promise of enforcing me to carry all of your bags." I groaned, lifting the hefty shopping bags with store brand names flashing across them. This may be the first time I'm admitting it, but I'm too weak to lift all of these. I know! I shall force Ning to do it, yeah!

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" Shang Xiang smirked.

I tossed out my phone, catching it efficiently. Of course, I had to drop the parcels of fashionable clothing in order to do that. I felt Shang Xiang glare at me. Eek, shudder so hard.

I punched in the command to send a new text message to Gan Ning.

* * *

**To: Ning-assface. :P**

Hey, is it okay if you come over here and help me….? Please, I need your help desperately! I'm acting like I'm whipped!

**From: Lu Xun**

* * *

I pressed the send button nonchalantly. "Xun, why did you drop the bags…?" Da asked, not helping to be suspicious of my antics.

"Eh, the usual, just trying to get Gan Ning here." I replied easily. Hey, when I think of it this is the first time Ning is appearing in the story(officially)! Wow, the author must really hate him. Or has Ling Tong bias. Probably the latter. But she must obviously love me, as I'm the main character of her first DW story…right? (Yep more fourth wall breaking.)

* * *

**To: Lu Xun**

Yea wutevr ill come so dont get ur panties in a bunch o yea dont break the 4th wall

**From: Ning-assface. :P**

* * *

Tch! The nerve of this guy, addressing my fourth wall breaking! He wasn't supposed to know that. But hey, at least he's coming. I feel lucky that he isn't being lazy. Hey, might as well drag Tong over here yeah. I forgot if I contradicted myself to not contact Ling Tong, but who the crap cares, am I right?

"XUN! We need to get a move on, come on little kid!" Shang Xiang shouted at me again. Wait, did she just seriously call me a little kid in public!? How embarrassing…now I should hide in a corner until Gan Ning and Ling Tong comes. Wait, I forgot that I didn't even text Tong yet.

* * *

**To: Tong-jerkdouche (Yeah, I gave him a new contact name!)**

Hey, may you please come over here immediately? It's very urgent. Seriously dude. I'm getting treated like a little kid/being whipped. You're a masochist, right? Then come here pleaseeeee.

**From: Lu Xun**

* * *

Well, Ling Tong and Sun Shang Xiang make a good S&M duo, right? Wait, is Ling Tong even a masochist? Idk, I feel drunk now. But I'm not. PLOT TWISTT! Wow, I really need to get a life.

"Lu Xun, get out of your corner now, you little shit." Ning's voice wavered through the air and reached me in my sulking corner.

"Fine, but can you please help me carry these bags?" I asked politely, lifting myself up from my sulking corner. My phone vibrated. I flipped my phone out, yet again. And started to read the text.

* * *

**To: Lu Xun**

Ugh whatever. I am not a motherfucking masochist. Now go home Xun your drunk. Ill just take your spot so go home because your obviously high on some shit.

**From: Tong-jerkface.**

* * *

I rolled my eyes. "No Tong, I will not go home." I muttered under my breath. It seems like Ning heard me as he immediately perked up. He looked over my shoulder to see the text Tong sent me.

"Wait, you're drunk, dude…?" He exclaimed, being that gullible. Seriously, take a look at life sometimes.

"No, now shut up and help me handle this crazy woman's crap." I shushed him, like a Ling Tong.

"Hello friends, I am here." Oh, speak of the devil!

Welp, we had a fun shopping trip, totally, yeah. Just too lazy to describe it now.

"WAIT, XUN I CAME HERE TO SEE YOU BEING TORTURED NOT TO BE FORCED TO CARRY THESE GIRLS' BAGS!" Gan Ning yelped; being irritated that he didn't come for what he wanted. Haha, loser. Suck it.

"You'll deal, now I'll just go home and pack.~" I teased him for the hell of it. I exchanged a small smile with Tong and made my way out.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah, that's really bad also. And this holds the record of having the most author's notes! Yeah, thanks for painstakingly reading through all of this crap. I bet I was high when I wrote this._


	7. Just a guys' night Wait, MY HAIR!

_A/N: Wow, I looked at my old cover in disgust. I drew it with a mouse so that's probably why it looked so bad. Anyways, I had put up a new cover. Which is hopefully better. But probably not. _

_Anyways, thanks for the reviews! It made me really happy that someone would like my stupid fic. I take this very much seriously._

_I hope if you guys had played Dynasty Warriors 8, enjoy it a whole lot. (I know I did. But I'm making a huge deal out of the battles…*laugh* Like, I freaked out at Fan Castle for the Wu story mode.)_

_Anyways, I'm going to troll Jin right now. Idk who would be ideal, but I'll just do Zhong Hui because it would be funny._

_Disclaimer: "What disclaimer?" Lu Xun asked, trying to hide a mischievous smirk. The camera panned to a fire (presumably set by Xunnie) with what seems rips of paper. "Oh, it made such great fuel…."_

_Warnings: Fire. More Fire. FIREEE. Zhong Hui's beautiful hair bashing, cursing I would suppose…and plain idiocy. And Jin groups. Sima Shi calling people imbeciles. IMBECILES. AND FIRE. BUT FIRE. FIRE IS ALL WHAT MATTERS, YEAHH. Inaccuracy about Student Council. (Yeah, I know lock-ins like these don't exist, but this is a made-up school so it does now! Mwhahahaha.)_

* * *

**Yeah, it's a just guys' night. Wait, MY HAIR!**

After another class of Mr. Zhuge trying to get back at me, the bell rang and I escaped dragging Ling Tong by my side. I would've taken Gan Ning too, but he has no part in my conversation. He just nonchalantly pulled out his 3DS. Psh, what if he got that stolen?

I glared at him in jealousy. I sort of wanted one. So maybe I'll do that another day. Anyways, luckily now it's break! And right after I end the day with history. But I like, know all of it anyways. Because I'm awesome. And smart. And Asian. (Wait, like everyone is Chinese here, oops). But mostly awesome.

"So, you're coming to some stupid gathering where we derp around with the other guys in our class, right?" Ling Tong inquired, not looking up from his 3DS. Like, stop bragging it to my face, you little crap.

"It's called a lock-in. For the student council. And it seems like you're in the Student Council. So why not?" I replied. Yeah, that's right. I'm the….vice president. Hey, I was close. Since Jiang Wei is apparently more superior than I am, he got to be the president. Life sucks. And Ling Tong is some treasurer or something. But who cares about him, right?

"Hey, Tong, what position are you in again?"

"Aren't you the freaking vice president? You should know!" He bit his lip, and looked at me in disappointment with fake tears spring up in his eyes, "I'm a class representative."

"Oh, seriously?" I laughed, "I guess I happened to forget."

"Anyways, I'm pretty sure it's not exclusively for the student council. I think it's just a guy's night, right? So basically I guess most of the dudes in the student council get to go. Like from all four of the groups…"

"Tongie, it's just the kids in student council." I cut in, knowing that he's saying all of the wrong things. Yeah, he's clever and sarcastic, but can be really rash and STUPID sometimes. This is one of those times….

"What."

"I mean, like the cool strategist kids."

"What."

"You know, those with A honor roll are in the student council!"

"What."

"Are you seriously not getting it?" I sighed. Out of all times, why did Tong choose now to be completely clueless?

"Sherlock, it's just us guys in the student council gathering up in the library and doing nerdy shit." I summed it up in him. "Oh sorry! Please forgive my language. I just thought that I had to get the point across. You were being rather….dense, may I say."

"Oh, I get it now. Okay. But you know, that's like the same thing I said."

"….I-just, Nevermind, I'm not in the mood to deal with your inability to read the atmosphere." I muttered.

"And by the way Xun, it's okay if you curse. We all already know that you're a little evil bastard anyways." Tong arrogantly blabbed straight into my face, "but you know, it's perfectly fine. It's really like to think, we are all just bastards. Of course don't mention that to my face because my dad is dead, but you know. We just have to suck it up. But I'm still slightly depressed about that."

"Tongie, that was so sentimental." I complimented him. Okay, it was a bit sarcastic but you know, who cares?

"Xun, I'm the master of sarcasm. And I just heard a hint of it in there."

"Of course, my highness."

"No. Hey, when did you become such a joker, anyways?"

"That's only for me to know and for you to find out."

"Don't even start."

* * *

**Time Skip! To Lu Xun's evil lair-I mean, his bedroom. Of course. Yes. Hahahaha…**

I flung my arms up in the air while sitting down in my butterfly chair. Oh yeah, that rhymed! Pfft no, in case you were wondering, my chair is not pink. It's red. Like fire. And the blood of my vic-No. Just fire. You didn't hear the blood part.

"Hmm, what to troll at the night meeting tonight…." I pondered out loud. I looked to my right, snatched my troll journal once again. Huh, haven't used this in a while, haven't I? I shrugged.

I swiped the pen from my computer/study/whatever desk and put it to good use. A.K.A: Write with it. It was red ink too, by the way. Ha.

_Who to troll at the Student Council Lock-in_

_A.) Zhong Hui_

_-Steal his hair dryer or brush._

_-Insult everything about him, taunting that he isn't the chosen one. Since he isn't the mothereffing Vice President. OOHHHHH. What now, narcissist? _

_-Burn his hair. (I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT.)_

_-Cut his ponytail off. Hehe. (Maybe I could combine this with burning his hair?)_

_-Steal his books._

_-He's the stupid secretary, so let's mess up his papers at the meeting!_

_B.) Xiahou Ba_

_-Tease him about being short._

_-He's the treasurer, so something about the money? And make him freak out about losing it! *insert Sima laugh here.*_

_C.) Sima Zhao (how the crap did he even get in student council, I will never know.)_

_-Er, he's also a class representative. _

_-Damn, there's nothing. He's too stupid._

_D.) Sima Shi_

_YOU KNOW WHAT? Never mind. I'll just burn Zhong Hui's hair and everyone's papers. I can't think of anything else right now. Or even better, do all of the above. But for Zhong Hui. Just burn his stupid ponytail off. _

I slammed my journal closed, haphazardly tossing my pen to the side. I turned around to get a mighty fine look at my room. Hmm…..red walls with fire painted on to it. (Yeah, I did that when I was little. My mom freaked out. Oops.) Regular twin bed on the left side of my room, leaning against the wall. My desk thing right in front of me. (Remember, I'm sitting on the butterfly chair.) Huge window that no one really cares about. Wait. I have a feeling that someone can easily stalk me. I looked out of the window suspiciously. Oh, good. There isn't anyone. Just the sun. And other strangers I don't care about. So they don't count. Er….my playstation 3, other game consoles to the side, huge ass TV for gaming reasons….my dresser (shh, I'm not a girl. I just keep my boxers and pajamas in there. Yeah, Yeah, TMI, whatever. Yes, I do wear boxers. LIKE A MAN.)

Yeah, I'll just quit talking about my room-oh look, my extensive fire type pokémon collection. Haha….you didn't see that.

I just slammed my laptop open and went to update my blog. Or go on facebook. Or troll everyone on youtube or gamefaqs.

Or do all.

Last option sounds legit.

* * *

_Hi guys, MysticalFire here. I haven't updated this in a few weeks, and I apologize for that. The reason for that is that I went out to troll more people. _*(´ヮ`)* _Lately, I just went to a friend of my bestie's family hotel. And somewhat caused havoc over there. And speaking of my bestie, I made him wear a dress. It was posted on tumblr somewhere. If I could find it one day, I could easily post it up. Anyways, tonight I have to go to some stupid Student Council lock-in, as I am the Vice President. I still wish I was the official president. Oh well. _

_Unfortunately, I have been staying out of touch with the love of my life, Fire. Luckily, one of the members in Student Council is obsessed with his hair. Hair + Fire=Awesome Troll. So I'm going to burn his ponytail off tonight. Wish me luck.~_

_-MysticalFire_

I clicked on the submit button, and opened a new tab. Ugh, I guess I have to go on facebook now. Don't get me wrong, I use it, but it's really boring. And it's a bit harder to troll everywhere without being found out. Cuz the last time I did that, I got one of my troll accounts banned. Sigh. I made so much progress on there as well. Well, maybe I'll find the pictures from last time on there. Guan Suo is a camera whore anyways, so I'm pretty sure he took a bunch of selfies again.

* * *

**Facebook**

**Email: Xun-thepyro (a) dmail . com**

**Password: ********

* * *

**Guan Xing **Last weekend, Jiang Wei volunteered at the hotel with his friend, Lu Xun. Wait, you think I was going to be serious about this? Xun brought a dress especially for Wei. So Guan Suo and Guan Yinping forced it on him. I took a nice picture. Just normal things. Well, he didn't like it, clearly. Yinping just took the dress because she thought it was cute.

_*insert photo here.*_

**Guan Suo, Xingcai, Guan Yinping, and 70 others like this.**

**Jiang Wei **Argh! Delete this, immediately.

**Guan Yinping **But you looked so cute in it.~ lol

**Lu Xun **Well, I guess that's nice that my dress for you was put to good use.

**Jiang Wei **(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

**Jiang Wei **UGH. DARN YOU, XUN!Anyways, remember to prepare the papers for the student meeting tonight.

**Guan Suo **Ehhhh, am I invited?

**Jiang Wei **NO.

**Guan Suo **Why not?

**Lu Xun **You aren't benevolent enough!

**Jiang Wei **No, that's not it, idiot!

**Guan Suo **But I swear! I'm benevolent enough! Benevolence! Should I yell it out all of the time like you do, Jiang Wei?

**Lu Xun likes this.**

**Jiang Wei **NO, please don't make jokes about that. Lu Xun was just being a jerk. It's just because you aren't in the student council.

**Lu Xun **Pssh. Jiang Wei, you're boring. FB is super boring. I'll just go troll some people on youtube, or just be a huge grammar nazi.

**Jiang Wei **Whatever. Just get out of my sight.

**Lu Xun **I'm talking to you through a freaking computer screen.

**Jiang Wei ** YOU KNOW WHAT? WHATEVER. I don't care.

**Guan Xing **You guys could've PM-ed each other instead of spamming my status….

**Jiang Wei **THEN TAKE DOWN THE POST!

**Guan Xing **Haha, you're funny Jiang Wei. Of course I won't do that. It's my most liked post his month.

**Lu Xun likes this.**

**Lu Xun **Welp, bye losers.~

* * *

After that very intriguing conversation I had with Wei on Guan Xing's status, I decided to move to youtube and take the time to correct everyone's grammar on the videos I saw.

It's kinda funny seeing that, even though it takes some work. I troll both the poster and the users. Which is the most hilarious thing ever. Of course, I was on my troll account, not my regular one. I think half of the internet community hates me. Oh well. It's not like I'm going to get banned for it.

I hope.

I looked at the time to see that it was currently 6:30. Might as well go ahead and gather my belongings for the lock-in. And of course, I told my parents about this ahead of time. I'm the most responsible student ever. Yeah.

Okay, get some random ghetto duffel bag. Maybe I should just search my closet.

Oh. Um, it seems that I need to reorganize it sooner or later.

Well, anyways. I guess I'll just pull it out carefully before all of my other belongings fall on top of me, ending up with my parents raging at me.

…

This is hard.

* * *

**Time Skip. (Because in fanfictions you become magical and are able to do these.) Library! With the Student Council!**

I arrived in total glory. Everyone was totally staring at me because I was so cool. But then I looked behind me. And saw Jiang Wei.

Ohhh, so that's why.

That sucks. Wei, please, when will be the day when I finally am able to surpass you? I suppose I must get better. Once again…..I gritted my teeth in subtle rage. One day man, one day.

"Oh look Xun, you actually didn't forget." Wei taunted. Uh yeah, he probably still had some revenge to act upon.

"Um, I'm not stupid. Of course I wasn't going to forget." I replied calmly. (or not so calmly, but you know what I mean.)

"Mhmm…sure." He coldly brushed passed me. Whatever Mr. Benevolence, you'll never escape the troll and his fire!

Maybe I should go ahead and burn his ponytail as well.

Wait, didn't I do that before?

No, that was his tie.

Same thing.

"Hello, fellow student council members." I greeted the crowd with my infamous smile. I've been told it's a killer tactic. Like, people fall for it immediately. Which is great, so I could sort of backstab them later. Seems like I'm the one who may as well be the best at deception.

I could go far with this ability, I know I can-

"Xun! Thank god you're here! People are commenting on my height again, with Sima Zhao and Wen Yang teasing me!" A new, somewhat familiar voice wailed. Oh right, I looked down slightly, to see that it was Xiahou Ba. Um, troll plan #1 COMMENCE!

"H-Hey! Stop looking down on me!" He yelled, his face completely flushed. I snickered at his reaction by doing that one gesture.

"Yo Ba, have you've been drinking any milk lately?" I asked, most likely joking around.

"…..GAH! YOU SUCK! I thought you were going to help, not be a huge meanie-butt!" Ba shouted, sprinting away from me, "bye Xun, you're no help! I'll just go talk to Jiang Wei."

Oh.

Well, Jiang Wei, you are now part of my master plan, MWHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, I did that like a Sima.

At that very moment, Sima Shi sneezed while he was eating his precious baozi, and now he was deeply saddened. And in rage at mother nature as well! How dare they interrupt his most treasured time of the day, baozi eating time? TCH.

* * *

**To: Jiang Boring-yue**

Sup bro. Hope you aren't pissed at me still. I sincerely apologize about what I had done to you last weekend. And I'm sorry that you hated the best poem I have ever written in my life. Like seriously, it was awesome, man. You just don't appreciate literature like mines. (Fire is offended.) Oh yeah, and go ahead and harass Xiahou Ba about his height. Even if you aren't a troll like me, it's still rather humorous man. DO IT.

**From: Lu Xun**

* * *

**To: Lu Xun**

I'm not even sure if I should accept your apology or not.

Xun, that was the most idiotic poem I have ever read. Does it LOOK like I acknowledge it as the best poem in the world? No. If that became a song I'm going to cry. And I may or may not tease Ba.

**From: Jiang Boring-yue**

* * *

I rolled my eyes. Whatever Jiang Wei, I'm not even going to answer it because of your standoffishness.

So maybe I should get started on doing some of the papers. Sigh.

* * *

**Time Skip galore, to the real fun part! (AKA sleeping time, where the guys gossip and paint their nails, okay, not really. But still.)**

It was now the time where we were free to do whatever we wanted to our choosing. During our very long and extended meeting, (in which where we all actually did things. Yeah, I know right! Even Ling Tong and Sima Zhao weren't being lazy!)

So, I like, got into my little group of fellow intelligent people. Which apparently consists of: Zhong Hui, Jiang Wei, and Guo Jia, he's weird hanging out with us even though he's a freaking senior, like what? Oh yeah, and me. Sima Shi decided to join in on the fun.

By joining in, I mean watching us very closely while stuffing his freaking mouth with baozi. What a creeper. And he's probably just one of the historians as well. Odd.

"So guys, are you up for seeing some fire tri-"

"NO." Jiang Wei cut through my suggestion with his freaking iron fist. NO man, you are not ruining this. I hate his power as the president sometimes; it makes me rather envious, may I say.

"No, would you please let me do what I've been aspiring to do?" I leaned over and whispered into Jiang Wei's ear. His expression changed from grim to cheerful as I told him of my plan. Because he was also getting sick of Zhong Hui's bullshit sometimes. Well, you and me both man, you and me both. But whatever, he is still somewhat nice and helpful when he isn't being concerned about himself.

Life of a narcissist. Sounds great.

"Well guys, I need to go use the restroom. Be right back, continue discussing whatever you guys were discussing." I excused myself and shuffled out of the library. I headed down the hallway and found the men's bathroom and hid in the cleanest stall. (Which is usually the middle one, but apparently other people found it out and just used that one, while neglecting the others so, I had to use the very last stall you see.)

I took out my matches and lighter, I flicked it and the flame emerged, whispering for air.

I smiled, also pulling a match out of my little match box. I lit the match with the lighter, and turned off the lighter. I laughed quietly, but then decided to blow out the alluring flame. Because, I'm probably going to accidentally set the school on fire.

Then I lazily snuck into the library, using some secret pathway I found one day. It was whenever Sun Shangxiang and I were forced to fetch the teacher some papers, and I stumbled upon this little hidden path.

I spotted Zhong Hui being a Zhong Hui, and crept up to him, approaching from behind. He didn't notice as he was too busy being occupied with his stupid hair. So I once again lit the match, and touched it to Zhong Hui's ponytail. Sure, it was potentially dangerous, but I made sure to have Wei prepare a bucket of water just for Zhong Hui.

I blew out the match once again, and abandoned my position, sneaking back out of the library and went through the main entrance this time, nonchalantly acting like I came back from the bathroom.

"Hui, your hair…." Shi was about to point out that his ponytail was on fire, but it seems like Hui was already aware of that as he was frantically moving around to find some water.

"My hair! My beautiful HAIR. FFFFF-HOW DID THIS EVEN GET ON FIRE, LIKE HOLY CRAP!" Hui squealed like a little girl. I saw Jiang Wei bring out the bucket of the water, but before he can water out the flames, I stopped him because his whole ponytail wasn't off yet.

Oh, now it's all burned!

I signaled Jiang Wei to now do it, but instead of Wei doing it, Ba all of the sudden ran from someone (Sima Zhao, I presume?) and grabbed the bucket of water, pouring it on himself instead.

I gritted my teeth. "BA! What are you doing?"

"Well, I was talking to Zhao and Yang about how to grow taller again, but then all of the sudden, the papers went on fire, so I tried to extinguish it, but instead I got on fire instead, but the papers are safe, at least?" Ba reported all in one breath, afterwards breathing heavily.

"Ahem." Ba turned to a very mad Hui that still has his ponytail (or may I say hair now since his ponytail turned to ashes) in a cluster of flames.

"Oh…uh, sorry, but I gotta run!" Ba shouted, not wanting to face Hui's wrath whenever he got pissed off.

"Er, Hui, you can just go into the bathroom, you know?" Wei pointed out, sort of shaking. Hui whipper around.

"Ugh, seriously? I wasted all of this time raging and just letting my ponytail burn off, whenever I could've just went to the bathroom?" Hui let out a small 'tch', and stomped out of the library to locate the nearest men's restroom.

We just exchanged small glances as we waited, a bit anxious about Hui's reaction.

Well, while I wait, I'll probably check facebook and stuff on my phone-

"NOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL PONYTAIL! That like, shows a symbol of my obvious superiority and now it's like, goneeeeeeeee!" Zhong Hui screeched from the bathroom. I shrugged. Hey, people look better with short hair.

After that, we all stared at each other and burst out laughing.

"Ha, what a nice troll you did there, Xun." Jia remarked, but…I didn't even tell him about that.

Huh.

What.

"Oh, it's just a strategist's intuition." He chuckled. I looked at him, my eyes widened. This guy is…

So cool.

"No, he probably just saw you lighting Zhong Hui's hair on fire."

"Thanks for ruining my moment, Wei."

Nevermind then.

After our little conversation, Hui came back in, some tears evident on his face.

"Did you seriously cry about that?" Wei taunted.

Hui glared at him, "Uh, I think you would be pretty pissed off that part of your DNA or rather, my most treasured chestnut hair was burned off. Anyways, it also hurt my pride."

"Well, not really. Maybe I should cut my hair, huh?" Wei glanced over to me.

"Yeah, you should do that. Then you won't look stupi-"

Before I could finish, I think Wei punched me.

"Nevermind, I think I'm going to keep it long because of this idiot here."

"And Hui, I'm guessing you're going to get it trimmed, then let it grow out once again?" Wei inquired the pouting narcissist.

"Hmph. Yes, that sounds about right." Hui replied.

"So I guess your non-existent fangirls are going to be really excited about your short hair." I commented on Zhong Hui's demise.

"Tch, the nerve of you! Of course I have fangirls-"

"Haha, no you don't."

"Yes, I do."

Wei leaned over to whisper to Hui's ear. Hui slowly nodded, and just put a hand up, "Talk to the hand, you stupid shota."

"Hey, I'm not a shota! If anything, Xiahou Ba is." I raised my voice at the last part to irritate Xiahou Ba.

"I'm not short!" He retorted from the other side of the room. I snickered. We all snickered, actually. But not Jiang Wei.

"Anyways, since you guys are my loyal council members, let's continue to discuss student council matters." Wei announced, raising his voice to be higher than everyone else's.

We all groaned.

"NO, screw you I'm just going to troll people on the interwebs." I scowled. Taking out my iPod, but then realizing that I forgot the wi-fi password.

"Whatever. And if you need the school wi-fi password, it's on a sticky note somewhere."

And we ended up just talking about controversial topics and random things on the internet. I never got to check facebook that fine night.

Wow, that was the least successful meeting ever.

But hey, another troll done!

"Why are there matches here?"

Shit. Excuse my bad language, but maybe I should make up a lie.

"It's there in case we need to burn papers, cuz you know, some things are too private to be seen." I lamely covered up.

"Oh."

How foolish of him to believe it.

* * *

_A/N: Oh my, this had been another case of TOO MUCH filler and not much troll. I'm a horrible writer. But congratulations, you have finally seen (or read) about Xunnie's room. And what Xun is forced to do sometimes. Unfortunately, to me it's not as funny. Pretty low-key and lame._

_And now in my story, Zhong Hui no longer has a ponytail. BAM._

_And I just foreshadowed the end of this story (Spoilers!): Lu Xun gets arrested for trolling a lot of people, while Jiang Wei glares at him saying, "I fucking told you so." _

_NO DON'T SHOOT ME, I WAS JUST KIDDING. That's not really going to be the ending, mmkay? xD_

_Well anyways, Xun just trolled some of the Jin students. But mostly Zhong Hui and occasionally Xiahou Ba._

_Next up is Cao Cao, I suppose. He is the lucky one that gets the car troll. I was going to do it to Guan Yu, but the hotel shown up and that was deemed better._

_So anymore suggestions will be happily taken.~ Thanks for reading, everyone!_

* * *

_And let's make this author's note super long and let me ask you a question. I was thinking of writing some more DW fics, so choose out of these two options:_

_Tied 'till we die: Some JiangShangXun (I wanted to experiment, and I kinda like this love triangle. xD)I have 3 different conflicting POV's and which one I want to do….or if I should do them all…_

_Well, I should post my different summaries here! I'll say that SSX's POV would be more dramatic, while Xunnie's is rather angsty cuz you know, childhood friend haha, and Boyue's is just humorous and stupid. (And probably the easiest one to write, haha.)_

_**-Sun Shang Xiang view-**__Shang Xiang doesn't really know what to pick. Childhood friend or her new tutor? Meet the famed daughter of Sun Jian, try to break through…destiny? Red strings tie us together, they usually say. But here's a little problem with that. Shang Xiang is trying to decide where her red string of fate actually leads her too. Does she choose that guy, or the other one over there? Little does she know, BOTH guys are over-the-head-heels in love with her. Decisions, are a way of life, yet we are too hesitant and scared to make them. Afraid that once we made our mark, it's final, and there is no turning back. As much as that can be true, it actually can be fixed if you took a few steps. A few steps to commitment._

_**-Lu Xun view**__-Unfortunately, as Shang Xiang stands oblivious to her fanboys, Lu Xun tries to win her over. But guess what? It fails. This boy is only her childhood friend, right? He has a huge possibility of being friend-zoned. And look, even more trouble! Some new student teacher just suddenly appeared by her side. Like seriously, she could easily ask HIM for help. He just gets bitter at the sound of them being together, every afternoon probably having a romantic affair. YES! It's decided, he, the humble and noble childhood friend is DEFINITELY going to win her! It's obvious, right? Childhood friends always have the best relationships? Join Xunnie on his adventure to –attempt- to woo his best friend, or get stuck in that goddamn friend zone._

_**-Jiang Wei view-**__ Jiang Wei is finally almost done with college. But now he has to take up the stupid position of being a student teacher. Which is totally stupid. And it happens that one of his students, Sun Shang Xiang is just…special. She's only 2 years younger, which is perfectly fine. And surprisingly (or unsurprisingly), he falls for her, but unfortunately there is a certain pesky and probably jealous childhood friend in the way. That boy is super stupid in Wei's opinion, just being jealous over the fact that THEY study together. Like, what gives? Does ANYTHING in his life go right? Can he at least win this high school girl over?_

_Err yeah, that sucks. Uh, and I also have another story idea:_

_A super-duper list of supreme yoloing!: Some random modern fic based off Guo Jia and his nature. Like, he's like the one to live life to the fullest. AKA: YOLOING. So, here's the summary._

"_Life is indeed short; you wouldn't want to waste it, wouldn't you?" Middle-aged Guo Jia is now doomed for life, of being diagnosed with tuberculosis. Unfortunately for him, he is still young, so that means he still has many things to do. And no, he doesn't even bother with trying to get himself healed. He's going to die anyways, and YOLO, right?_

_Oh yeah, and I may or may not post the oneshot that I wrote pertaining to the reference of a passionate poem about fire. It's basically Jiang Wei centric, 3__rd__ person. I wrote it for the Jiang Wei RP-er on tumblr (she's really nice.~), angelspearofbenevolence. Her Jiang Wei is really nice.~_

* * *

_TL;DR: So hope you enjoyed this chapter, once again, and help me decide which story of mines above should I start? GAHHH._


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